These euphemisms, however, are not to be entirely discounted-even if some rely more especially on being related to a particular form of therapy--for they express various features of therapeutic love.
Not romantic or erotic love: these forms of love are clearly not permitted in therapy (even though a past master of therapy, Carl Jung, became sexually involved with one of his patients who survived the ordeal to become an outstanding psychiatrist herself!). This give and take of 'love' takes place within the confines of a professional healing relationship subject to the ethical standards of the appropriate profession involved.
One way to understand the problems many clients bring to therapy is to understand them as 'love phobias' (Stephen Diamond, 2011). The client is afraid to love another and consequently afraid to be loved in return. Possibly s/he was brought up by a depressed parent who was unresponsive to her cries for attention or for holding if she were hurt. She then 'decides' not to look for love anymore because of the fear of being rejected.
Imagine such a person in a marriage or relationship that requires a flow of love between the two people in order to be an intimate relationship at all. Erich Fromm went so far as to say, that only by loving another can one be loved. Love in this context includes recognition of the uniqueness of the other and full acceptance of that uniqueness.
In this regard it is good to be reminded that Jesus Christ's recital of the greatest commandments both call for Love. First to love God with all one's being and then second to love neighbour as one's self.
But how does one love if one cannot love, if one lacks the love-ability?
We can only learn to love by being and feeling loved and therefore loveable. Despite Fromm's edict that we must love in order to be loved the New Testament has reversed this order by saying that 'we love Him [God] because he first loved us' (1 John 4.19, KJV). We were/are loved by God [first] therefore we love God!
Loving God is a foundation for loving others because others are made in the image of God. Why wouldn't we therefore love others made in His image? Still these words may be just words in an old Bible for some; and that is where psychotherapy may help. For in good psychotherapy the client receives consistent attention, support, acceptance, nurture, 'holding' and caring. The client receives 'love' from the therapist and in return usually experiences love (admiration, respect, honour, trust).
This mutual love dynamic can have a powerful effect upon the client's presenting problem, particularly if that problem is a relationship difficulty. This conclusion follows because overcoming a 'love phobia' means being more able to love and more able to be loved which are the prerequisites for an intimate relationship of quality.
Ian is a psychologist with 20 years experience in counselling and tertiary teaching. His main interest is relating the Christian faith to his vocation to assist others to better their lives. This desire means that he wants the Christian faith to inform his practice but implicitly so that he can comfortably assist all clients with their particular issues.
He provides an individual professional service as set out at http://psy-services.yolasite.com/.
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