Professional Photos For Dating Profiles

So you want to start a dating profile but you're not sure if it's a good idea to use those old photos of yours (back when you still did not have those crows feet around your eyes!). Or perhaps you already have an existing profile in one of those dating websites but you're not sure whether or not the photos that you have there are working their magic (have there been just a few "online winks" from potential partners?)So now you're considering having professional dating headshots taken because, quite naturally, you want to attract as many possible potential life partners. Still, you might have reservations. Are professionally taken photos for dating profiles really a good idea? Should one really have professionally taken dating headshots? Must one even consider photography for dating profiles? How can taking professional photos for dating profiles help?
Well, first of all, and more importantly, nothing beats letting the pros take your photos - be they for regular family albums or for dating profiles. Professional photographers have the "eye" for all things beautiful and that includes portrait photos that practically jump out from all the rest and grab more attention. Professional photographers can take dating headshots that show your best features and capture certain angles that you yourself may not even have thought possible. In other words, professional photos can be way more effective in the dating scene than "homemade" ones just taken by a friend with hardly any knowledge in framing.
But exactly what are the other pros on why photography for dating profiles should be considered? Why is taking professional photos for your dating profiles a good idea?
For one, the professional photographer can suggest the best pose or best angle for you. After all, professional photographers have encountered a lot of faces and they know what will work and what will not. More often than not, professional photographers are already knowledgeable when it comes to shapes of faces, tilts, angles and shadows. They will guide you and will give you their best recommendations in terms of pose and angle. Take for instance one of the dreaded horrors when it comes to dating headshots - the double chin!
Professional photographers can advise you of the proper eye level in order to avoid the dreaded double chin. The photographer can also help tilt your face in such a way that not only is it in the proper or right frame, it also highlights your best angle and nice facial features.
Second, (and this is another dreaded horror when it comes to photos for dating profiles) the "red eye." Unlike point and shoot cameras that have the tendency of producing photos of people with "red eyes," professional photographers, with the aid of their professional photography equipment such as lighting and DSLR cameras, have a way of avoiding this. Now think of the possible scenario if in case you uploaded a photo of you with that dreaded "red eye" to a certain dating website. Yes, you might still receive messages from potential suitors...messages containing pieces of advice on how to treat red eyes!
Third, professional photographers can advise you of the proper clothes to wear, the setting or environment or even the proper hair and make-up styles. There are professional photographers who also double as stylists and they can give you pieces of advice with regard to your total look. Or your photographer can refer you to a professional make-up artist and/or hairstylist who can do the job. At this point, however, you might be thinking: but how do I know if the photographer is the best choice to take these dating headshots? How can I be sure that the photos that he or she will take will really stand out from the rest and really grab attention?
Here's one important tip to always remember - a professional photographer will do everything in his or her power to make you feel comfortable - because at the end of the day, if you're happy and you feel comfortable, then you will not hesitate to smile...and when those winning smiles come out, only then can you truly have the best dating headshots.
(c) Headshot London Photography Professional Portrait Photographers. For more examples of our work please see our Portrait Portfolio.

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Separation and Merger in Relationships

When I was a young man and everyone my age was dating and forming new relationships, it used to bother me when my friends got involved with someone and suddenly became completely unavailable. They'd spend every spare minute with their new flame. You know the type of couple I'm talking about -- the ones who seem joined at the hip. A certain amount of preoccupation with a new romance is natural, but when two people can't bear to be separated and abandon older friendships, they've merged identities. On some level, they are no longer two distinct people. Only when you're really separate do you feel need, longing, desire, jealousy, etc.Maybe one of them will adopt the interests and opinions of the other person and adapt his or her personality to fit. Some people believe this is the only way they can be loved, that it's not possible to be authentic. It can also be a way to merge with the loved one, to fuse identities so there will be no experience of separation.
One of my patients, a young gay man, used to change his speech patterns, political viewpoints and style of dress whenever he became involved with someone new. He was a true chameleon, with very little sense of his own identity, and merged with each new partner. At the same time, he made sure never to appear demanding, instead showing himself completely amenable to whatever the other man wanted. At heart, he feared that to expose the needy self he despised would mean rejection.
Consumed by self-hatred, he despised his own needs and felt sure that, if they were revealed, his partner would hate them, too.
This young man stands at the extreme end of a spectrum: each of us can bear differing degrees of separation. At the other extreme are people who can tolerate that experience no better but instead avoid relationships altogether. Fusion at one end, isolation at the other. Where are you on the spectrum? Here are some ways to confront these issues in your relationship.
Make a plan to do something on your own (discuss this with your partner first; don't simply announce it as a done deal). Try to choose an activity you'd actually like to do but that might be out of character, something that challenges the rules of your relationship.
How do you feel about taking this step? Anxious? Excited? How about your partner? Do you receive encouragement or resentment? Is he or she afraid that you might meet someone new? It would be even more helpful if your partner also stepped out of character and tried something new, so you could confront your own anxieties about separation.
Or maybe you already have your own separate spheres -- interests or relationships outside the couple that don't include the other person. Do these areas stir up conflict? Any underlying jealousy or resentment? If these turn out to be areas of conflict, it could be a result of inconsideration or inequity in your relationship, but it might also touch upon issues of needs and separation.
Joseph Burgo PhD is a clinical psychologist with 30+ years experience in the mental health profession. He writes two blogs, one called 'After Psychotherapy' where he discusses psychotherapy issues such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder from a psycho-dynamic perspective; on the other blog, 'Movies and Mental Health' hosted by PsychCentral, he uses classic and contemporary films to illustrate his ideas. His forthcoming book on psychological defense mechanisms will be released by New Harbinger Publications in Spring 2013. He also offers online counseling.

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The Secrets Never Told

People's reactions are often opposite to what they're actually feeling. We know this by our experience, perhaps where we pretended to be pleased in a certain situation, but within we were quietly seething. This is obvious to some; less obvious to others.Some relationships we have feature inherent conflict - for no want of rhyme nor reason we know those we don't get along with, but we have little idea - in most realities - why. We cannot climb inside their brains or feel with their hearts, and few human beings we develop enough intimacy with to truly understand.
The saying that 'secrets are never told' may be self-evident, but it has more bearing on our relationships than we ordinarily account for.

APPRECIATING WHAT WE DON'T KNOW
What might appear absurd is, without doubt, our challenge. We need to somehow appreciate what we don't know, and will never know. Such an appreciation is the gift of an ever-opened mind.
Such an appreciation is also the constant cognitive clarification that ensures fewer assumptions are made, meaning less relational damage takes place.
Knowing that there are secrets about, that trust within certain relationships will be scant, helps us understand other people; it doesn't hinder our relationships, because we understand the barriers to communication are common to human experience and can be explained person-to-person.
Appreciating what we don't know is also appreciating we don't need to know everything; indeed, we are saved from much senseless knowledge and many vexing pieces of information which would make life so horribly complex.

TRYING OUR BEST TO EXPOSE OUR OWN SECRETS IN SAFETY
What may be the case in ordinary lives around us - the keeping of secrets by others regarding their real perceptions within our interactions - is no excuse for us, however.
It is a blessed situation for us to accept the fact that others carry their secrets, whilst ensuring we have trustworthy sounding boards to share our secrets with. This is an effective way of dealing with our problems and junk.
It is blessed because it features both acceptance for things we cannot change (regarding others) and courage to change the things we can (regarding ourselves). Only through doing both things, practicing acceptance and courage, can we grow in wisdom as far as our relationships are concerned.
***
Many secrets of life we cannot change, and we are blessed to accept they exist. Not assuming that the appearance of our relationships means much, we enter into relations with a healthy open mind. Others' secrets we can do nothing about, but accept it's a universal human practice to cherish personal privacy.
© 2011 S. J. Wickham.
Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

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Sometimes It's Not Ok

I don't know how you feel.I can only remember how I felt when it happened to me.
And it sucked.
I'm not going to tell you to feel better because it's not time for "better" -yet.
Because sometimes it's not OK.
Perhaps such a statement elicits a sigh of relief, a ping of anxiety, or maybe you're totally appalled.
Either way: Stay with it. Root yourself there.
Here's the thing...
Despite the universality of loss + pain, we know very little about recovery from it and, oddly, the acceptance of it. Navigating through soul-aching emotional remorse is a misunderstood process that most of us have very little idea how to respond to.
Correction.We do have a universal response to pain. And it sounds like this:
"Don't feel bad."
"You just need to keep busy."
"Time heals all wounds."
"Be strong."
"Pull yourself up by the bootstraps."
Screw that. I'm here to tell you: Feel bad.
Seriously, no rush. Take a minute right where you are.
Truth: most of the condolences you hear after you've been struck by life are rational + intellectual but emotionally void. How often have you heard "don't feel bad,"when the relationship ended, the doctor had negative news, the lay off finally happened or the car broke down- again?
"Don't feel bad" is dismissive. It is unintentional but it diminishes your own, your lover's, friend's, family's appropriate, valid emotions.
Being infused with sadness is all about a broken heart, not a broken mind.
And you can't cure a broken heart with your head. It's simply the wrong tool.
This one you'll have to feel your way through.
Loss monumentally shifts everything in your life.
Enough so that you + others will want to apply "smarts" to push through those cataclysmic feelings in a jiffy.
BUT....
Over-intellectualizing your pain (or anyone else's for that matter) is a type of avoidance. The loss is too unnerving, too uncomfortable - so you bury it under a flurry of distractions + quick dismissals. Over time this unresolved pain is cumulativeand will resurface with the sole task of dismantling you.
Don't fall prey to the ol' adage "time heals all wounds."
It's what you do with that time that helps you heal. Repair.
Choose a new approach. Choose completion rather than avoidance.
Here's the doosy of 'em all. When you give yourself and others permission to be upset, you pave the path to steadfast "completion." You recognize you have the right to feel upset from time to time no matter how loved ones react.
You understand the pain of the loss/change will sting LESS in the long-run
when you embrace it's "ok-ness." in the short-run.
And if your particular loss this time around is the loss of a relationship?
Maybe the relationship was mostly rewarding.
Maybe you spent a portion of it mascara streaked + curled up in a ball crying.
Or perhaps it was problematic from the get-go.
Regardless, when it ends, you are left reaching out for someone who used to be there OR who has never been there + still isn't.
It can feel shitty.
Ahh-hem...
Sometimes it's not F #$@'ing OK. And that is OK!
So feel lousy + as you begin to recover, you can start sorting through what worked and what didn't in the relationship. But what if weeks go by, then months, and you still feel as if you're wandering around in a thick grey fog? Have you stumbled into the black hole of grief never to return?
Give it about six to nine months. It often takes that long after a serious relationship for you to pick up the pieces and start rebuilding your sense of self.
Whether it be a romantic relationship, family, friends, health, finances - there are very few vistas that grief will not infest. When it does:
Steal the courage to allow the pain to surface.
Be there with it.
Befriend it.
Then commit to letting it go.
© 2011 Danielle Dowling
Danielle Dowling is a relationship expert who helps women get the man and a bad-ass life. She is an intuitive strategist who works with progressive ladies who are ready to stop comprising on the things that matter most -- soulful companionship, meaningful sex,sisterhood (minus the snark) and above all, self-love. So if you're seeking: freedom+ fully-realized potential, legendary love +meaningful romance, razor sharp consciousness+ effortless communication pop by her blog for regular doses of awesome: http://danielle-dowling.com/life-coaching-articles.

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What Makes A Man An Abuser?

There's an old saying '... character is doing what's right when nobody else is looking.' In other words, someone with a healthy personality behaves well in public and in private. Many abusive men are good in social situations - acting as perfect partners in public. That's how they get women to fall in love with them. Their bullying side comes out when nobody else is looking.For a lot of women it's important to understand why some men want to hurt them. Mr. Wrong will act out in seven different ways, but the underlying cause is the same. There is clear evidence to show that it's all about his early upbringing - a chilling fact that all women should be aware of.
So what marks out an emotionally abusive man from a normal guy? A man who dishes out verbal, emotional and psychological violence can't be normal. Can he? A lot of people think he must be suffering from a personality disorder. Well, many of the abuse stories I've heard conjure up an image of a man who is quite normal on the surface. He'll hold down a job, go out with friends and pay the bills. He's often charming and popular. But when the door closes and it's just him and you - that's when he shows his dark side.
Many women report that living with an abusive man is like living with two separate people. The one she fell in love with and the one who calls her vile names, destroys her confidence and breaks down her character. And this leads a lot of people to assume that abusive men have narcissistic personality disorder or some other mental illness. Perhaps a few of them have. However, the explanation is usually simpler than that and more shocking.
There's plenty of evidence to show that the roots of his personality are twisted by bad male role models in early life.
An inadequate, unintelligent or vengeful father figure will teach his son that men are superior to women. This might be overt - if the father doesn't try to cover up his dislike of women. It's common knowledge that if a son is brought up in an atmosphere of domestic violence, he's more likely to be violent in his own relationships. Or it might be more subtle - teaching the young boy to discount women in general and think of himself and his life as more important.
There are seven main characteristic personality types when it comes to abusive men:
An entitled, hedonistic man is like a spoiled childA superior man wants a sidekick who never disagrees with himA competitive man likes to break you down piece by pieceA control freak wants total control over you - mind, body and soulA fake 'New Man' sucks you dry with his insatiable emotional needsA seducer wants sex with as many women as possible - and a stable 'monogamous' relationship with youAnd a macho man refuses to control his aggressive impulses - verbally, emotionally or physically.
Whatever his personality type, an emotionally abusive man is usually not mentally ill. He might want you to believe that his cruelty is all your fault. Or he might persuade you that he's suffered at the hands of other women, authority figures or society. He might have addiction issues. But remember, none of these are an excuse for abuse. He's not a narcissist. He just has a really low opinion of women.
So, how do you spot a man like that? One way is to be very aware of how he behaves when it's just the two of you. When no one else is looking - is he disrespectful? Does he say or do things he wouldn't want his friends to know about? Or does he make sexist jokes you're supposed to laugh at? Only you can answer this.
If you'd like to find out more on this subject, including a free series of articles about how you can recover from emotionally abusive relationships, go to http://www.wolfinyourbed.com/.

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Relationships - Winning By All Means

Relationships are a quirky set of mind games played by some of the most super of athletes, a husband and a wife.Gridiron gold, the summer/winter games across the pond or just round ball tournament play. It takes a certain amount of skill and finesse to make the team work like a winning team.
Everyone knows that there is only one captain, one team owner, one coach. Not so in a successful marriage. Getting top billing in this relationship is almost as thrilling as the game itself in married life.
True, relationships are geared towards the combined efforts of a joint team, but you know as well as I do, that dogs don't hunt!
It's not about getting the upper hand, or even being first. It is total all in all warfare when it comes to relationships involving men and women for superior rights of one-up-ness. This is empowerment at it's best.
Men have their ideas about relationships and of course women have the ideal answer as to what those ideas should be and who owns the rights to them. Now we all shoot for the same goal on this team...to score the big points in the game of everyday life.
It's bad enough one would tend to describe any relationships in sports terms or metaphors. Take bowling or baseball for example...men and women's relationships are in a league of their own.
Did I come up with that just because both the games have strikes? Well, you have to admit it would work because these are the opposites that attract.
Relationships in bowling are that strikes are good for points...in baseball not so good...well that would depend on if you're giving strikes or getting strikes. Oh wow, another decision make that will no doubt cause splits!
We're a of a generation that teaches the younger kids these days that points don't matter and that all sports are team events and being on the team is the winning venture.
Kind of ruins the relationship of having something greater to strive for, but that's just my opinion...and we all know about opinions.
Maybe I should run for office or something.
Anyways, relationships are built, forged and maintained in successful marriages on love, trust and security as well as playing nice together. Sharing the many responsibilities as head of whichever department has it' advantages. Like, making the money to sustain the household and making the decisions as to what that money covers in terms of food, shelter and clothing. A win-win for all concerned when it works in harmony.
Because it's a very different game in each household, the pairings that pit husband and wife sometimes against each other makes for some very interesting sports trivia.
Remember when he called an audible and said he was going out with the boys and if she didn't like it she could just lump it?
Well she did...and as I understand it according to the doctors, the swelling should be down enough tomorrow for him to be able to see out of at least one of his eyes.
Relationships are a joy to behold. Men and women contribute so very much to one another. It's the essence of married life, successful marriages, relief of stress and finances and then finding what will ultimately turn out to be your best friend.
And isn't that what you want out of life, a player on your team that can bring you home on a sacrifice fly...or make a pass right down the middle for a touchdown...volley for your affections in an endless match...or one that tees off and lands on the green without teeing you off.
Of course there's always the concession stand.
In all good and lasting relationships, take the time to get a hot dog and just enjoy the game.
Concessions are always good.
A Friend in Business...and Life...Always,
-Lon-

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The Consequences of the Drama-Filled Lifestyle

Are you living life to your greatest potential? If so, you are living the life that you were created to enjoy. If not, you should be evaluating everything about your life, including you the person, your relationships, your environment, what you are doing to achieve your greatest potential, and those things you may be doing that are preventing you from living the kind of life you desire. Evaluation is necessary in order to prepare and position you to start pursuing and claiming the optimum human experience that every human being is entitled to enjoy. In order to pursue, claim, and enjoy anything in life, you must identify those road blocks that may be restrictive or prohibitive. In order to identify these road blocks, you must have vision. If you cannot clearly see the path to the enjoyable life that you desire, you will continue to stumble around aimlessly wanting to enjoy a certain lifestyle, but never achieving this particular goal. One of the most crippling impediments that prevent people from achieving their goal of enjoying a power-packed, purposeful, and fulfilling life is the chaotic/drama-filled lifestyle. The drama-filled lifestyle, over a period of time, will drain the very life out of those people who allow drama to rule their personal journeys. Yet, it is not unusual for people to confuse the excitement they seek in living a fulfilling and enjoyable life, with the drama that sucks the life out of them, as well as their relationships.In case you think drama is exciting, you should be aware of some descriptions of the drama-filled relationship. Then consider how the following descriptors could be roadblocks that are keeping you from getting optimal enjoyment out of life:
• Addictive
• Exhaustive
• Victimizing
• Unstable
• Emotional chaos
• Co-dependency
• Erratic
• Irrational
• Deadly
Toxic relationships are "Sick Attachments" and one of the dominant ingredients in sick attachments is "drama". In order to fully understand the devastation of the drama-filled relationship, a person should be knowledgeable about the truths and myths when it comes to drama, and how drama affects relationships. You may wonder why I've attached relationships to the optimum living experience, so let me explain. Since our relationships revolve around everything that goes on in our lives, it is important to understand the outcome when drama affects every part of our lives. While drama can be defined as excitement, it is critical to reject the notion that "drama" in the negative context should have a place anywhere in the abundant lifestyle.
When an individual embraces and accepts drama into his or her personal life, he or she can be certain that it will eventually spill over into other parts of his or her life. Drama left unchecked will not be contained. For example, when personal drama spills over into an individual's professional life, and it becomes governed by chaos, focus is lost; mistakes are made (unnecessary and/or minor errors, as well as colossal oversights); excessive absenteeism becomes a problem preventing the timely completion of projects, if at all; excessive personal telephone calls are distracting to the workplace and become a problem; or the person whose lifestyle is dominated by drama may become erratic in his or her attempts to hide the drama. This person wants to be viewed by his or her employer in a certain way (e.g. held in high regard) and is embarrassed when those in authority become knowledgeable about their drama-filled lifestyles. Once personal drama starts to affect job performance, regardless of skill set or talent that may have been of value to the employer in the past, the current poor performance that is the result of the drama-filled lifestyle now has the employee viewed as incompetent. In most workplace cultures, compensation is based on performance. So once personal drama takes a toll on job performance, it directly affects income. When considering employees for advancement opportunities, employers want people who will represent them well.
They want to be assured that those who are promoted will handle pressure well; they will come to work on a regular basis and will not frequently call in for unscheduled days off; and that they (the employer) have entrusted valuable assignments to people who are focused, pay attention to detail, and will deliver peak performance. The drama that an individual brings into the workplace can lead to demotion and/or dismissal. There are countless stories of careers destroyed, homes lost, family and friends lost because of drama-filled relationships that wind up in divorce, a break-up of a relationship, or some other adverse life-changing experience.
The individual who attempts to seek solace in a place of worship, but again, leaves the drama-filled lifestyle unchecked, will find that the chaotic spirit spills over into attempts at spiritual relationships. The very nature of chaos is antithetical to the nature of spirituality, which is peaceful, harmonious, loving, and religious. Those people who allow drama to impact their attempts to connect with the Higher Power of their understanding usually suffer from continued discontentment or torment; the inner peace they so desperately seek continues to be elusive; and a connection with other people at their place of worship is impossible because others who value spirituality will not want to be connected with the toxicity of drama.
When drama rules your life, it prohibits you from having relationships with balanced people, people who refuse to embrace any type of negativity. Men and women who are not accustomed to drama, who were not brought up in drama-filled environments have no stomach or patience for it. You may be an attractive man or woman; you may be a man or woman who is financially well off; you may be the man or woman who offers excitement in some form. However, the individual who values peace, tranquility and balance in a relationship is capable of overlooking those things (e.g. physical attraction, finances, etc.) that the drama king or drama queen believes secures a substantive and lasting relationship.
We must learn to distinguish healthy loving relationships from toxic relationships or any element of a toxic relationship. The distinction makes all the difference in the world, and the distinction may wind up being the difference between life and death. Pay attention to even the smallest elements of a toxic relationship because as they accumulate, they eventually wind up becoming a mass of destruction and confusion that is capable of taking out the most stable-minded, able-bodied man or woman. Drama may have your adrenaline going for a period of time, but eventually it will eat away at you, your character, and your reputation. It will deny you of healthy loving relationships. Have you ever met or heard of someone who was proud of a legacy of drama? I doubt it because there is no honor in being a drama queen or drama king.
When you refuse to give into drama; when you refuse to let others draw you into their drama, you are exerting power. When you feel empowered, you feel good about who you are. When you are empowered, you are capable of controlling certain outcomes. When you are in control, you are at peace; your voice is the voice of calm and reason. On the other hand, in most cases, when the drama is over, someone is left to feel inferior, not loved, taken for granted, victimized, misused or abused in some way. When you take the time to exercise critical thinking rather than falling for the drama, you are taking control over your life and your environment. Those around you know when you are in control of your life; when you walk in power; what you will accept and what you will reject. In return, they respond to you with something called "Respect". Now that you are drama-free, well-respected, empowered, and have the vision necessary, every part of your life is aligned to reach its greatest potential.
Pamela Reaves November 23, 2011
Pam Reaves is the Founder and CEO of NELLA LLC, a Maryland limited liability company. She is a Certified Professional Coach, with concentrations in Motivational Coaching and Relationship Coaching. Pam is trained to coach clients in their pursuits of healthy, happy and powerful human experiences. Pam is also the author of the thought-provoking and powerful book, "Is It Love...Or Merely a Sick Attachment?" "Is It Love..." is published by Tate Publishing & Enterprises and has been well-received by readers as far away as Africa and Australia. Individuals of all ages, ethnic backgrounds and social status agree "Is It Love..." is a pager turner that offers a fresh perspective on the devastating difference between loving relationships and toxic relationships. Pam holds a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management and has over 30 years experience in working and thriving in diverse corporate cultures in the areas of human resource, labor relations, finance, legal, and real estate. Learn more about Pam Reaves at http://www.pamreavesnellallc.com/.

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