Keeping Romance Alive in Your Relationship (Part 1)

So many people these days are struggling to keep their love alive. Too many are dissatisfied with their partners for many reasons, one of which is, that the combustion seems to have dwindled to the fire of a match.
This can cause problems in many other areas of a relationship, for the result of colder times is, withheld feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, insecurity, and other similar feelings of unworthiness...
Resentment seems to be the number one result of having a cool relationship. Sadly, it takes two to ignite or distinguish the fires of love. Still, each partner will blame the other for the lack of romance...
If I were in such a position being in a cold relationship, I would find ways to relight the fire. I would first rebuild the relationship on friendship, that the feelings of resentment have time to melt a bit. Secondly, I would flirt in every way I could, as unobviously as feasible. If there was a spark of interest, I would take that as a sign, therefore taking it to the next level. I would make sure that I looked great at all times, and, that I used my personality to re-attract my intended...
Without being overly obvious, you could implement lingerie into your mornings and nights, and, gradually add more and more suggestive pieces into the nights. Like in the beginning, you could don a satin, flowing robe with a nice chemise beneath; making sure that you looked your best in the morning. In the evening, you could wear a robe with a beautiful gown beneath, making sure that the robe is open that he might see how great you look. Of course, attitude has much to do with how you represent this new attempt at looking irresistible... You must act out the part of being the seducer, as subtlely as feasible...
Reconnecting is a matter of someone making the first move. If your love means enough to you, you will find ways to make it happen. This is one area where couples fail. Each are too stubborn or even embarrassed to make the first move after time has allowed distance in their relationship. That is a mistake, for it can only lead to more troubles and more insecurity...
There is an age old question worth mentioning here: Would you be happier with or without this person in your life? That should be the deciding factor here. If you decide that you would be much happier with them in your life, then, measures need to be taken to assure that they will, indeed, remain in your life. Do not let foolish, even childish stubbornness or spite last, as it will increase the wedge, making it all that more difficult to get back on track.
I know for sure that if you don't do something, love will become more and more stagnant and you will eventually drift so far apart that it might be more than difficult to regain a level of shared love...

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How Do You Relate to Others?

In previous articles we've looked at getting clear on what you want to accomplish in your relationships, and why. Now let's look at the next step to developing the connections in your life: examining what you're bringing to the table...
The way to strengthen or develop a relationship is to identify what is already working - or at least the possibilities and potential - as well as an awareness of what isn't. We can then maximize the positive aspects of the relationship while working together to develop and practice more adaptive alternatives to what's broken.
Exactly how to do this is beyond the scope of this article - but a good place to start is looking at how you relate to others:
Having this awareness helps foster successful relationships because it gives you the opportunity to identify what you do well, as well as identify new behaviors to try on. It also fosters insight into which types of personalities, environments, and situations you prefer.
Knowing this allows you to make some conscious decisions and plan accordingly. It allows you to decide with whom and where you can easily develop relationships, and with whom and where you choose to step out of your comfort zone (or not). You can decide which relationships will come more naturally and easily; and which will take more time, energy, and skill.
Begin by looking at the relationships you've had in the past. Start with your childhood and move forward to the present day. Here are some example questions to ask yourself:
Who was your best friend? Why?
Who did you get along with best in your family? Why?
Who were your favourite teachers? Bosses?
What drew you to various romantic partners or adult friendships? What sustained them?
Who do you feel most comfortable around currently?
Who makes you challenge yourself to be a better person? How?
Think of all the people in your life, past and present, that you connected with on the deepest levels. What were the common features of these relationships? Of these people? Of the situation you were in together?
What was your contribution?
Now think about who you've had the most difficult times with. What made it difficult? What part did you play in this?
Think about what your answers to these questions mean: after you've decided what you want from the relationships in your life - and which relationships you want to work on - think about what it is that you're bringing to the table.
Think about how you typically relate to others in a variety of circumstances; and decide which traits and habits to build upon, which to change, and which to let go of completely.
Chris Hammer, Ph.D. is a certified professional coach and licensed psychologist. He offers leadership and life coaching services, as well as various self-development tools for people who are passionate about reaching higher levels of success and becoming the best they can be.
Get your free eBook on Great Communication at http://www.mycoachingbooks.com/
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I'm Engaged! Now What Do I Do?

Tons of couples get engaged over the holidays and once the dust settles, the question remains...what do I do next??? There are a lot of step to take and things to do, and sometimes it can be very overwhelming.
Here are a few steps that will help you to ease into the process of planning your wedding!
1. Decide on the Season. Depending on what time of year you would like to get married, you will have more or less time to make your decisions. Every season has its benefits and if you need to start a list to decide on what works best for you, that's a great place to start.
2. Decide on A Budget. Who will be paying for your wedding? Mom and Dad? You and your fiance? A little of both? Sometimes its good to lay out who will be paying for what and then decide on where your money will be going. Wedding Wire has a great tool you can use to start planning your budget.
3. Decide on a Wedding Venue. Wedding Venues tend to book up to 2 year in advance, so get on the ball are start looking at some venues. Try to find a wedding venue that will fit your style and that will allow you to really enjoy your day. If you are more of a DIY Bride, then find a venue that will let you bring in as much wedding details as you like, if you would rather have the whole thing done for you, look for more of an all inclusive wedding venue...or maybe even a destination wedding!
4. Start a Pinterest. if you don't know what this is, it is nothing short of inspiration genius! It is a virtual binder that will keep all of your amazing wedding ideas in a nice organized website just for you. You can search just about anything, find some things you love, pin them and they will be there when you want to find them again! Its amazing and waiting for you to use it!
5. Think about what KIND of wedding you want to have. When your guests are walking away from your wedding, what would you like them to say about your day? Would you want them to say that it was personal? Romantic? Thoughtful, Fun, Crazy? Or more laid back, enjoyable and relaxing? More formal or informal? Glam or genuine? Write down a few adjectives about what you want your wedding to be like and start building ideas from there. You will have a guide to go by, and this will help you know what NOT to include in your wedding day.
6. Start planning a guest list. Your venue size and budget will help you decide on this one, but it does take a while to whittle that list down to a manageable size, so the sooner you start on making this list, the better.
7. Book your Wedding Photographer. I suggest asking friends and family about photographers that they have had...or checking out friends images on Facebook that you like. Then check out their websites and see what they have to offer. Most modern wedding photographers will have blogs where you can view their latest work. Photographers can book dates quickly, so book your soon after choosing your venue.
8. Find your Wedding Gown. This is such a personal journey, its best to involve your friends and family to try on wedding dresses. Many Wedding Gown boutiques take appointments, and this is best to use your time wisely.
9. Start Thinking about your Honeymoon. A Honeymoon Registry like Honeymoonwishes.com will allow friends and family to help you pay for your wedding by contributing money straight to your Honeymoon. This might help determine where you might want to go, so plan ahead and get it on a registry early.
10. Start thinking about flowers, food and cake. These wedding vendors tend to book later in the year, so its okay to plan on them later in the wedding planning season.
Kaylee Eylander
Based in Seattle, WA, Kaylee has been a wedding industry professional for 8 years and enjoys every second of it! See her work at http://www.eylanderphotography.com/

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How to find one partner: Tips for people senior, I meet with a man

, You are a single, senior sons and you want to steal in wait '' in ''. Some advice that will help you.
1. does jenetalize. If you don't have long lost your partners, smashing Windows and spray painting you divorcé, the worst things you can do is wait send this message to go into the scenes. Not saisir first woman available. Take some time to settle into routine you. Be sure grieve. Know what you are looking for in a partner. They had been there for some time just to find out yourself and Love you Maybe you just want a amitié. The other side maybe married in future you. Come to the knowledge of your rules.
2. do not pass every minute waking sought to dispel any notion the prospect a woman. Honestly on you schedule every day. Do you know how many couple met in the supermarket, or church? Sometimes when you at least expect him to, a affiche.
3. take some time to I do things you like. If you feel you have a excessive loss and don't meet anyone new take on some new activities intérêt you. Do you like théâtre? Volunteer our community, théâtre. Build together, the better-painting, sculpture, painted constructions, lanterns seven branch is, you do yourself. Find a book club you write group. Find a gym you du for soccer game. There are many woman stop at every this situation. And during see, why not remained active in all (s) you request. You can get a associated with interest similaires.
4. For friends know you interested of them to. they might have suggestions potential the woman whom you may ask. they might all corriger on a date blind. Now, separately, blind date worked to couple a lot.
5. port is considered a key to maintaining services in. In till today and âge place that many people meet in their counterparts. Have sights are available only to u.s. people. Keep an eye on site every with and decide which best to what you need.
Now once, you fill out a woman you were seated to, there are some point's very important that you may keep in mind.
Not discuss religion, politics, disease, death divorce you finance on the first date some From the following subject areas should wait until you feel confortable. On a date first keep conversation positive light and. Discuss trip Your favoris restaurant you eat with.
If you not a smoker you you obtenez who early in the process. Probably won't we are well the of a man of one or East.
Not pressure you date for long term relations objectives. He will scare a woman out of the if you said earlier, '' I waiting for a women and is. '' For one thing a woman may feel special-purpose planes, not like you take first woman available.
Keep a leader. Unless a great red flag said to the woman from on a second date. a good take care of is if you know this she's a real you could spend a long time with, you could potentiellement is, do not go more than three times. So why wait not start? Remember 80, the 60 new
For information about wait advice, advice on general speed waiting waiting and in london, visit Lovestruck.com with a waiting Agency Professional.

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How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back in a Short Time

A breakup can never be that serious if you just know how to handle it well. If you feel that this was a right decision that you and your boyfriend have made, then there should be no problem in deciding in favor of it. However, if you feel that you still deserve each other, then the best that you can do is to make the right moves in order win your ex boyfriend back. How to get your ex boyfriend back in the shortest time possible must be your main focus. By concentrating on this, you would be able to realize your plans of rebuilding your relationship.Before you rush into taking the first steps at winning back you ex boyfriend, it may be necessary for you to determine first the reasons why the relationship ended. You need to know whether there are some things about you that he dislikes. Of course, if you think that you can change yourself or if you can get rid of those attitudes that he may not like, you should try to do so. After your ex finds out that you have changed for the better, he would surely entertain the idea of getting into a relationship with you again.
How to get your ex boyfriend back is no longer as difficult as trying to make a person fall in love with you for the first time. Surely, you already know some if not all of your ex boyfriend's traits. This could be an advantage. In relation to this, it is very likely that you know the very things that that your ex likes so much about you, those that made him really love you. Consider these and showcase these every time you have the chance of being with him. If he fell in love with you before even when you were still a complete stranger, there is a great possibility that he will fall for you again now.
The very first time that you interact as friends again is the most important part of the effort. This is the reason why you should be really prepared for this instance. Preparing for this does not involve choosing the best looking clothes though. This also means making yourself ready always with the words to say in your first conversation with him after you have broken up. Always make sure to say something that may at first seem neutral but is actually one that tries to make him fall in love with you again in the most subtle manner.
The past is your most useful treasure and this is something that you would surely use to your advantage. What you should do here is to remind your ex boyfriend about the fun times that you had with him. This would surely work wonders though if your ex happens to be the sentimental type too. If he loves reminiscing, you can surely make him have fun talking about the past with you. An activity like this when done very often would surely make him feel soon that that he must have a mistake in breaking up with you.
All the steps mentioned above are good only about two weeks after the breakup. Do not do any of these too early or one week after the breakup because the results could be less beneficial. After the breakup, do not even make an effort to talk with him. You should make him feel how much he has lost for letting you go. Practice this for two weeks and until a month. This is like plowing the ground and making it ready for the next steps.
Learn the right strategies on how to get your ex boyfriend back by checking the link on the source here.

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Inner Silence

"To listen is to develop inner silence." Lolly Daskal
True listening is hard to do. We have to work on developing listening skills. When we are in our Drama Queens while trying to listen to someone, we aren't listening to them. It is all about our inner victim screaming out the wrong things. It may go something like this:
Boyfriend/Husband: I've had a really tough day. (Heads toward his man cave)
When you're a Drama Queen, the inside of your head is bursting with injustice so things like this are running through your brain: What, no kiss, smile or hug? Like, I didn't have a bad day? I've had a day too. I had another meeting at work that went nowhere and A, B and C happened. Great. Just go ahead into the other room. It's all about you when I could use some help here. ETC. So you may say something like:
Drama Queen You: Fine.
And that fine is dripping with "not fine." It's angry, venomous and dripping with sarcasm. You're boyfriend, husband, lover knows that things aren't fine, that he is in deep trouble, but just like you he is at the end of his rope and needs a break. So he takes it. Because he really doesn't want to get into an argument. He needs the down time so he can deal with the next thing. Which will be an argument with you after he deals with his bad day.
When you're in Sassy and Confident mode...your inner silence is strong. You can hear what the man you love is really saying to you.
Boyfriend/Husband: I've had a really tough day. (Heads toward his man cave)
You feel the fact that his ego may be battered a bit. It's not personal. He is going into his man cave and when he comes out, he'll be stronger. So you give that to him because you love him. When you're Sassy and Confident, you smile warmly, head into the kitchen, grab him a beer or glass of wine and hand it to him. You say something like this:
Sassy You: Take all the time you need. I'm going out to do some errands and will be back later.
Give him the space he needs and he will be thrilled with you! Maybe he was a bit rude coming in, no warm greeting and escaping to his room. Don't take it personally and remove yourself from the situation. (Hence the errands) When you come home, I'm sure his attitude will be adjusted. You gave him what he wanted. Alone time. So make the best of it and go shopping, to a movie or do something else you want to do. Take care of you when he's taking care of himself.
There is an onslaught of noise you encounter every day disrupting your inner silence. Things in the past that crop up again and again that haunt us, new voices telling us what is wrong with us, patterns we've formed to protect us. And the oh so present conditioning. Those special little reminders society puts upon us to keep us in line. Your happiness and fulfillment depends on you developing listening skills. For you and those you love. "Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You." So how do we do it? You find what gives you peace: what quiets your mind so you can truly listen. Ideas for you to explore:
1. Meditation or a long walk. Breathe deeply and try to clear your mind. This takes practice. The pay off can be so worth it!
2. Release control: When you take care of Drama Queen negative energy by working out, venting to a girlfriend, a long, hot shower, dancing your frustration away, it can clear your mind.
3. Practicing communication skills includes practicing your listening skills. Your Drama Queen is all about her "sniff." When you release the edgy energy your Drama Queen is all about, it is easier to take a breath, be understanding and hear the other person.
4. Practicing your communication skills involves saying what you need to say in a calm, matter of fact way. Practice in a mirror. Notice your vocal tone. Join a group like Toastmasters to really up your communication skills!
5. PLAY! Learn to laugh and see the humor in your cry baby Drama Queen. She needs something, she is just going about it in all the wrong ways. Once you can laugh at her, you can handle much more.
Bitch Lifestyle
Why the Bitch Lifestyle?
Words like "Bitch" can be used to make women feel bad. This demeans and is not empowering. Here we take the power back. The Bitch Lifestyle is about celebrating women: our fun, emotions, sensuality, individuality, successes, creativity and our beauty.
Sharon Stevens
goddesspower978@hotmail.com
http://bitchlifestyle.com/

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Intimacy: What Causes The Fear Of Intimacy?

Intimacy can mean different things to different people. It is a word that has numerous meanings and interpretations. The meaning I am going to be looking at here is closeness.
Although closeness is usually experienced in relationships of the opposite sex, it can be experienced in any relationship where there is an emotional connection. And an emotional connection can also be felt with friends, colleagues and teachers for example.
The Fear Of Intimacy
To become close to another involves opening ourselves up and a natural consequence of this is that our defences are dropped. We are then vulnerable; which is perfectly normal and part of being human.
However this feeling of vulnerability can be so strong and so overwhelming that it can cause one to retract and avoid closeness altogether.
For others it can mean that they will allow closeness to occur, but only so close. And if it were to go any further than what they are comfortable with; they will likely retract and wait for the level of closeness they are comfortable with to return.
Where Does It Come From?
So where does the fear of intimacy originate from? Through my own experience and research I would say that the fear of intimacy is created during our younger years. What happens during that time and how we interpret what happens is what causes the fear of intimacy.
It is the relationships that we have with our caregivers that have the potential to define how comfortable we are with intimacy throughout our whole life.
The Forgotten Past
Everything that has happened during those years is often largely forgotten about. What are not forgotten about are the emotions, thoughts, sensations and behaviours that these experiences have created.
These can seem random and to just happen, without cause or reason, when the opportunity for intimacy appears.
Early Years
The primary relationship that one has during their early years is usually where ones meaning of intimacy is formed. It is during this time that the mind forms associations of what is safe and what is not, in regards to emotional closeness. It also forms associations of what happens when intimacy occurs and what intimacy is.
I believe there are three main scenarios going on here. Which are: the distant caregiver, the hot/cold caregiver and the overbearing/smothering caregiver. These are fairly lose descriptions, as they can merge together; with each scenario having the potential to combine and influence each other.
Distant Caregiver
This is the caregiver that is rarely around physically. It might also be a caregiver that is around, but is emotionally unavailable when they are around. So either way, they are not present or available.
Hot/Cold Caregiver
This is the caregiver that has moments when they are around and when they are not, this might sound perfectly normal. However, this is not based on routine or plan; these moments are irregular and uncertain. With the child not knowing, when or if, the caregiver is going to be there for them.
Overbearing/smothering caregiver
With this caregiver, they are present and are able to be relied upon, however they can cause the child to be overwhelmed and suffocated. The Child's boundaries are ignored; the child is then used to fulfil the caregivers own needs, with the child's needs often being ignored and neglected.
Consequences
The consequence of this is that one's model of intimacy will be at best skewed and at worst dysfunctional. This of course has the potential to cause years of pain around intimacy.
First Scenario
In the first scenario the distant caretaker is seldom available. This can create feelings of: alonesss, hopelessness, shame, rejection, abandonment, shame and betrayal. This can also form problems around being able to trust people and on being able to rely on them.
Second Scenario
With the second scenario the caretaker cannot be consistently relied upon to be there either. This can create feelings much like the ones above, but perhaps there intensity is different. These are: hopelessness, rejection, shame, abandonment and worthlessness.
Third Scenario
In the third scenario the child experiences an extreme level of closeness. This can create feelings of: suffocation, panic, overwhelm, hopelessness, helplessness, betrayal and shame.
Reliance And Trust
If our caregivers could not be consistently relied upon or trusted to be there for us, it is only normal for one to doubt the likelihood of being able to rely on or to trust that others to be there either. And if one was brought up by an overwhelming caretaker; it is only normal to expect that from other people if one were to get close.
And if this is the kind of intimacy that is familiar to the ego mind and therefore what is safe and as a result continually attracted into one's life, it is only normal to avoid it.
Fear Of Closeness
The following fears can then be experienced: if we get close to another they will disappear or they will be distant or that we will lose ourselves and become overwhelmed if we experience intimacy.
These fears can then be projected onto others and other people with the same traumas can be attracted to us.
Self Sabotage
With these original experiences still playing out in ones unconscious mind; one will continue to create the same scenarios, to play the same roles and have others play the same roles as ones caregivers did.
This can cause one to sabotage any chance of intimacy and this is not necessarily because of the type of relationships that they are exposed to, but due of the minds original associations of what intimacy is and the perceptions that this creates.
Projection
What also makes the fear of intimacy hard to notice is repression and how ones fears can get projected externally. What I'm talking about here is that the fear of intimacy could show up as external rejection. It could also lead to the rejection of others.
The ego mind will then take on the role of the victim or the perpetrator. If one is continually rejected, the mind can then play the role of the victim. And if it is an experience of continually being the rejecter, the role of the perpetrator could be taken on.
The first position has the potential to cause one to regress back to how they felt as a child, with all those unprocessed feelings flooding back. And the second position will occur through one identifying with the caregiver as a way to feel a sense of power; this will also cause feelings to emerge.
These are two sides of the same coin and are neither healthy nor helpful in the pursuit of intimacy.
Processing The Past
These scenarios and roles will continue to play out until they have been made conscious and processed. The minds tendency is to avoid looking at what is painful and has numerous defence mechanisms to do it, such as the one mentioned above. But it is in facing our pain that will lead to healthy and fulfilling intimacy.
Ones story might be about the fear of intimacy and the pain, suffering and isolation that this brings, but this doesn't have to define one's life.
My name is Oliver Cooper, I been have been actively interested in self enquiry and self healing for over eight years. For just over a year I have been expressing my understandings with these transformational writings. One of my aims is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be in my own life.
Feel free to join the Facebook Group - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Life-Of-Resonance-Transformational-Writing/134282036672239?sk=wall


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