How to End Something With Class

There is verse from the Bible that states, "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven" (Ecc. 3:1). At some point and time, everything comes to an end because the things this world has to offer are not meant to last forever. You don't have to look far to see that things change and eventually end; just observe the changing seasons, the passage of a day into night, and the life span of animals and people. Perhaps you are experiencing an end in a relationship, in a partnership, in an occupation, in a church, or in an organization. But whatever the reason for the ending, you have the choice, actually the power, to end with class or without it.
Ending something with class requires thought and intention on your part as this is contrary to human nature. When something ends, some tend to blame others for the problem, some make excuses for their behavior, some gossip about the people involved, some withdrawal and pretend it does not matter, or some pick apart every detail as if searching for a buried treasure. Worse yet is the justification that these patterns are even necessary in order to prevent future endings. These patterns do not encourage positive exchanges in the future; they merely extend the frustration and resentment of the moment.
Admit to the ending. Once you come to the realization that something must end, take the initiative and be honest about needing to end it. This is not a time to wait until someone else makes the first move, be the one who has the courage to be honest about the circumstances. Ending with class means that you are up front and open about what is happening, willing to absorb the frustration and confusion this may cause for others. Make a plan; be intentional and kind especially if the other party does not know what is going to happen.
Acknowledge your part. To end anything with class requires self-reflection as to the part you played in the ending. Perhaps you did not give your best to the relationship, your occupation, or the organization. Perhaps you avoided necessary conflict or perhaps you stirred up too much conflict. Whatever your contribution, acknowledge your mistake and make amends with the people involved even if you believe you will never see them again. It only takes a moment to apologize and heal but it can take a lifetime to get over being wronged by someone else.
Amicably say good-bye. Once confronted with an ending, two natural instincts kick in: flight or fight. Some run away as soon as the ending is announced not allowing for a positive resolution while others fight back with accusatory remarks. Neither is beneficial. Rather take the time to discuss your feelings and thoughts about the matter, neither being dismissive of other points of view nor compromising on the final decision of ending something. Focus on the positive of the relationship, organization, or occupation openly admitting to the benefits you have received over time instead of the problems.
If you are the one making the decision to end something, spend time thinking the process through before you pull the trigger, this will save unnecessary anger, resentment, or confusion. If, on the other hand, you are the recipient of a decision, don't be afraid to ask for clarification either in the moment or later. In either case, you still have the power to end it with class or without it.
Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
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How Can You Overcome the Fear of Change and Become Able to Develop a Satisfying Relationship?

You might be controlled by the fear of change. When you have a relationship that isn't satisfying, you're afraid to make changes or leave and give up the known and familiar, fearing pain and others' reactions. When single, you hesitate to look for a partner out of fear of changing a way of life you have grown accustomed to and facing an unknown, uncertain situation.
When you become aware of the fears which withhold you from making a change and overcome them, you become empowered to move forward, find and develop a satisfying intimate relationship.
Overcoming our fear of change consists of several steps:
1. Observing yourself.
2. Identifying the fears that control you.
3. Getting up the courage to be true to yourself.
4. Getting up the courage to step out of your comfort zone.
5. Initiating action, even something small to begin with.
Stephanie: An example of going through the steps to overcoming the fear of change
1. Observing your thoughts and feelings
Stephanie was furious: after all these years with William, taking care of him and being there for him, and now he's behaving like such an ingrate! She felt like she'd wasted the best years of her life on him. She wished she had the courage to leave and start a new life.
On second thought, though, wouldn't that be a waste of all the years she'd invested? So maybe it was better for her to stay and continue the way she was already accustomed to?
Prior to deciding one way or another, Stephanie thought that it would be better to honestly check whether there was still any reason for her to stay: Was it still possible to save their relationship? Was there still room for her to grow or was everything really over between them?
Analysis
While considering leaving William and being angry at herself for having wasted the best years of her life on him, Stephanie decides to observe:
* What does she expect from their relationship?
* What's making her feel stuck?
* What does she needs to do in order to grow?
As she observes, Stephanie realizes that she is disappointed not only from William, but also from herself, for neglecting her own growth.
Investing in a relationship is worthwhile, even if you later separate
You might believe that if you have invested emotional energy and a great deal of time in a relationship, leaving it means that you have wasted all that time and energy.
But is it so? Is the anger you feel toward your partner and yourself justified? When you carefully observe, you can realize that even if the present relationship isn't satisfying you the way you would have wanted it to, the time and energy that you invested were not wasted:
* This relationship enabled you to grow and develop (and careful observation can help you realize in which ways).
* Your current dissatisfaction stems from the fact that now you see and understand about yourself and about the relationship what you didn't before (which proves your growth and development).
* What you learned about yourself can now help you develop a new, intimate and healthy relationship.
Even a relationship which came to an end can help you in your journey to greater self-awareness
2. Identifying the fears that control you
It hits Stephanie that three years earlier, when she met William, she stopped going to creative writing workshops. They loved spending as much time together as possible. Now she isn't satisfied with their relationship any longer but is still stuck with it. Isn't it stupid?
Stephanie feels it's time to find out why she stayed with William for so long; and yes, it's time to go back to writing workshops. Through writing she could always express herself.
Still, she's afraid to bring up this workshops issue with William: how can she justify her wanting to attend them, after such a long time that she hasn't done so? What does it say about their relationship?
Analysis
When Stephanie gets up the courage to observe and re-think about all the years she's spent with William, she realizes that she has become used to him and is afraid to disappoint him. Will he leave her? Will she be alone? She wonders whether the fear of being alone made her stay with him for so long - or was it love.
Observation enables you to understand your fears
When you observe yourself and pay attention you can acknowledge and understand the unconscious fears that have driven you to behave one way or another, sabotaging yourself and your relationship. Such observation enables you to remind yourself what is really important to you.
3. Getting up the courage to be true to yourself
Stephanie realizes that with all honesty, what she wants more than anything right now is to go back to writing workshops and give expression to what has been boiling inside her for so long; to surround herself with others who have common interests to hers. Going back to these workshops may even help her understand what she still expects from her relationship with William.
Analysis
Stephanie asks herself what's really important in her life and in her relationship with William. She believes that a writing workshop will enable her to better understand, express and empower herself. She confronts her fears and makes her desire for writing a priority.
Knowing yourself enables you to get in touch with your dreams and desires
Getting to know yourself enables you to be attentive and sensitive to your inner voice: to your needs and desires, your dreams, aspirations and longings.
Self-awareness enables you to get up the courage to be true to yourself
4. Stepping out of your comfort zone
At first Stephanie is afraid that William won't understand. He might be surprised at her sudden decision - after all, she has stopped attending writing workshops such a long time ago. Can she really take the risk that he might react with anger, might stop loving her and decide to end the relationship?
Analysis
Stephanie hesitates about staying within the comfort zone she's grown accustomed to. William is already used to her being available to do things together whenever he wants. The writing workshop would change that. But now that their relationship is not satisfying her anymore; that she must understand things about herself; that she has such a desire - a need, actually - to express herself in writing, she feels that self-expression through writing has become critical for her, and she knows what she wants to do.
Being true to herself, respecting her decision, Stephanie knows she needs to step out of her comfort zone, inform William of her decision and attend the workshop.
5. Doing something, even something small - but doing it!
After some reflection, Stephanie decides to respect her wish. But instead of enrolling in a weekly workshop, she decides to begin with a full day one. She will then decide how to proceed.
Leaving your comfort zone is crucial if you want to make a change
Sometimes, when you want to change the situation of your existing relationship, but are afraid, the best is to begin with something small; this will get you out of being stuck and enable you to start the process of change.
Leaving your comfort zone means - getting up the courage to go through your fears and resistance. Mostly, when you begin with small steps, you realize that it isn't that scary. Sometimes you might even surprise yourself: "Why has it taken me so long?"
You can begin the process of change by doing something, even minute. The most important is - doing it!
Summary
You might be controlled by the fear of change. When you have a relationship that isn't satisfying, you're afraid to make changes or leave and give up the known and familiar, fearing pain and others' reactions. When single, you hesitate to look for a partner out of fear of changing a way of life you have grown accustomed to and facing an unknown, uncertain situation.
In either case you use rationalizations and justifications for not changing, eventually resorting to casting doubt on the need for change or your ability to change.
When you become aware of the fears which withhold you from making a change and overcome them, you become empowered to move forward, find and develop a satisfying intimate relationship.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships with a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. He has taught this subject to thousands of students and has written more than 130 related articles. Dr. Gil is the author of "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship http://amzn.to/eAmMmH
In his book Dr. Gil shows the many ways by which many sabotage their relationships, teaches how to become aware to it, make the necessary changes and cultivate a successful bond ( Section V: Becoming Aware of Fears that Control You and Harm Your Relationships).
More on Dr. Gil's expertise, book and articles: http://self-awareness-and-relationships.blogspot.com
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Is There A Best Way To Handle A Breakup?

Whether you have been in a relationship for a very long time or not breaking up is never easy. Even if you were the one to initiate the break-up it is still very difficult. The breakup will cause an emptiness in your life that will not be that easy to fill right away. So you may have to ask yourself is there a best way to handle a breakup?
Even if you were the one that wanted out of the relationship you are more than likely to experience many hurt feelings. The first thing you need to do is flush those hurt feelings out. Women may do this by crying and men may do this by becoming more physically active. Another best way to handle a breakup and an effective way to get rid of the hurt is to write your ex a long letter. Put your heart and soul into this letter. Do not leave anything out. Letting them know all the good things about the relationship and also the things that really hurt you during the relationship will be another best way to handle a breakup. Then next best way to handle a breakup will be to spark a match and burn the letter you just wrote. You will be amazed at how this will make you feel.
Another best way to handle a breakup is to really acknowledge that the relationship is over. If you keep holding on to thoughts that there is a chance of you two getting back together you could very well miss the opportunity to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. You may think you have them out of your life but when you see little signs of them still lying around your house they will pop into your mind. You need to give back or throw out all those things that are going to trigger memories of your ex.
Another best way to handle a breakup is to turn to your friends. You will probably go through a few breakups in your life and the one constant through it all is your friends. True friends are there in the good times and the bad times. Sometimes when we are in a relationship we tend to ignore our friends but that is the great thing about friends they understand. Also our friends have probably had similar experiences which will help you see that life will get better.
Sometimes when we are in a relationship we not only ignore our friends but we also put aside certain activities that our ex was not interested in. Maybe you liked going to sports events, playing sports, going to the theater, etc. Now would be a good time to get back into activities that you stopped because of your ex. Starting a new hobby can also be a best way to handle a breakup because it will keep your brain and body occupied. This will definitely help you to move on.
Remember there is life beyond your ex and your friends can help you with the best way to handle a breakup.
Breaking up is never easy. Knowing the best way to handle a breakup can help ease the pain. To find out how you can handle your breakup go to http://www.waystowinbackanex.net/


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How Can I Find Love? The Secret Key That Will Transform Your Love Life

If you are searching for a love relationship, but keep getting disappointed... if you are attracting the same man in a different body over and over again... or if you feel that you give a lot and get little in return, then there is one question I want you to ask yourself, the answer to which will transform your entire life experience: Do You Love Yourself?Yes, it's obvious. Yes, you've heard it before. And yes, it's very easy to say: Of course, I love myself! Yet, in 90% of cases, the ultimate reason why you haven't been able to attract love into your life is your lack of love towards yourself.
Why? There are books written about why and how we lose self love. Most of the reasons trace back to our childhood. When we were scolded for wrong doing (on a regular basis), or told we weren't "good enough" by our well-meaning parents, we took it literally and personally, and the "not good enough" part imprinted in our subconscious mind, forever depriving us of the ability to love ourselves. Religion added to it telling us we are all sinners, so it's in our nature to do things that are "wrong."
It's really not that important to try to understand why we lost self love, but what is important is to notice how the lack of love for ourselves causes us to literally push love away on all levels and attract people who can't or won't love us.
How Does It Work? The tricky part is that you may not be aware that you hate or are ashamed of some aspect of yourself. On the surface you may think, I am fine. Your brain tells you that because logically you know there is nothing wrong with you. Yet, when you meet a guy you like, your first impulse is: He is way out of my league. I better run before I get hurt.
Another way this issue shows up is when you are in a relationship with someone, you subconsciously expect it to end badly. Deep inside you know he will soon lose interest, or find someone else. How do you know that? Because you rely on the assumption that you are "not good enough."
So, What Happens Then? Then you act in ways that convey to him that you are trying to save the relationship.
You are afraid to lose himYou cling to himYou become suspiciousYou sacrifice yourself to do stuff for him that he doesn't valueYou sacrifice your values and beliefs in an attempt to make him like you
He feels trapped and feels the need to get out.
Or, another scenario: You become cold and push him away in an attempt to be the one leaving and avoid getting hurt.
The Shift. In order to attract love into your life you have to first cultivate love within yourself. You have to radiate love. You have to start with the most important person in your life - YOU.
The problem is, we expect ourselves to be perfect (according to some standards). When we don't meet those standards, each flaw gets magnified in our eyes out of proportion. The trick is to love ourselves exactly the way we are, including the flaws.
Can you accept that you are overweight, and love yourself still? Aren't there overweight people that are lovable? Can you forgive yourself for being "stupid and lazy" and not being able to achieve the desired level in your career, and love yourself still?
Above all. Can you step out of your self-accusing bubble and see that all the things that you hate about yourself (including the ones that you don't clearly understand) are actually not that bad. They are what makes you human. If you can accept them in others - you can accept them in yourself.
Once you learn to accept and love yourself exactly the way you are, you will step into your power. You will radiate inner strength, love and beauty (the kind of beauty that is not measured by weight-to-height ratio or the perfection of your facial features.)
Your entire life experience will transform, and you will draw to yourself people and relationships that are entirely different from what you had before. No longer will you need someone else to "complete" you. Being at peace with who you are will eliminate co-dependence from your life, and you will be able to attract a partner who will value you as much as you value yourself.
For a complete step-by-step guide to attracting your ideal life partner download free e-book "4 Steps to Soulmate Attraction" at http://www.mytimetobeloved.com/
Lubov Skurina is a transformative relationship coach; founder of My Time to Be Loved, creator of Soulmate Attraction System?. She specializes in helping single women around the globe attract their ideal life partner by transforming their core beliefs and reclaiming their authentic ability to give and receive love.

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Journeying Beyond Betrayal

Common to relationships and love is the portion of cursing in the matters of betrayal. We are not the only ones to have been betrayed! Indeed, it won't be the last time it will occur, so let's expect it when we least possibly expect it (if that's possible).
The test of any relationship's strength is how it wrangles with and survives conflict - the key question is, can it survive and possibly even thrive because of it?
The truth is so many relationships have!
The betrayal that polarised minds and tore intimacy apart was the very thing that proved the catalyst of commitment - to try to live apart or to have life this different way proved the worth of the relationship; that very conflict, when it was fairly and justly sorted, thrust before both the meaning in the relationship, even in the harsh light of day.
IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO
Just as it was likely that two caused the initial ruction, and if not directly then indirectly, so too do two create the bridge that broaches the chasm.
All that is required for love to ensue is the faith-held promise, one to another, to a form that will prove as a two-pack epoxy in the sight of God, the Primer. Two it is that make a sticky mix that promises to harden beautifully into product, and it takes two to make the dance and song of life together come along. Few would argue, and sensibly so.
Commitment is the byword of hope for all relationships; and whilst it's sometimes true that it takes two to break a relationship, it's always true it takes two to make a relationship.
BETRAYAL IS NO END IN ITSELF
If we were to contend that the sin of betrayal were an end beyond fresh beginnings then we'd be telling God he got it wrong in the design, bringing, and begetting of salvation - that's a Trinitarian blasphemy aimed at defrauding the Lord all ownership of redemption.
No, those that own the lay of the reconciliatory land are those that happen to be the protagonists - and no other. There is life after betrayal if they wish it so.
With all the emotive will and skill known to each one, they consider the merits of their unique situations and stake claims of life or peril, and all between.
THEN THERE IS TRUST
When all is said and done we come to the central caveat of trust - for the initial perpetrator; or the next one, or situation, arriving at our shores.
Trust is to the low tide of the relational coastline in terms of betrayal. Whenever the tide is out and betrayal goes up and trust goes down surely we must know that joy is, for a time, extinguished.
Our joy we can have back, and peace, when we do our internal work of bringing the tide in, by learning to trust again; perhaps neither the person nor the situation, maybe, but we learn what we can and resolve to trust again.
Journeying beyond betrayal is just that: learning what we can and learning to trust again. And in these things we're healed.
***
There is a beautiful land well beyond the troubled shores of betrayal. This land is home to peace and joy and it embraces love, because it can trust; that is because it has done its internal work with God. Many relationships have great hope beyond betrayal but both partners need to be equally committed.
© 2011 S. J. Wickham.
Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

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Keeping Romance Alive in Your Relationship (Part 1)

So many people these days are struggling to keep their love alive. Too many are dissatisfied with their partners for many reasons, one of which is, that the combustion seems to have dwindled to the fire of a match.
This can cause problems in many other areas of a relationship, for the result of colder times is, withheld feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, insecurity, and other similar feelings of unworthiness...
Resentment seems to be the number one result of having a cool relationship. Sadly, it takes two to ignite or distinguish the fires of love. Still, each partner will blame the other for the lack of romance...
If I were in such a position being in a cold relationship, I would find ways to relight the fire. I would first rebuild the relationship on friendship, that the feelings of resentment have time to melt a bit. Secondly, I would flirt in every way I could, as unobviously as feasible. If there was a spark of interest, I would take that as a sign, therefore taking it to the next level. I would make sure that I looked great at all times, and, that I used my personality to re-attract my intended...
Without being overly obvious, you could implement lingerie into your mornings and nights, and, gradually add more and more suggestive pieces into the nights. Like in the beginning, you could don a satin, flowing robe with a nice chemise beneath; making sure that you looked your best in the morning. In the evening, you could wear a robe with a beautiful gown beneath, making sure that the robe is open that he might see how great you look. Of course, attitude has much to do with how you represent this new attempt at looking irresistible... You must act out the part of being the seducer, as subtlely as feasible...
Reconnecting is a matter of someone making the first move. If your love means enough to you, you will find ways to make it happen. This is one area where couples fail. Each are too stubborn or even embarrassed to make the first move after time has allowed distance in their relationship. That is a mistake, for it can only lead to more troubles and more insecurity...
There is an age old question worth mentioning here: Would you be happier with or without this person in your life? That should be the deciding factor here. If you decide that you would be much happier with them in your life, then, measures need to be taken to assure that they will, indeed, remain in your life. Do not let foolish, even childish stubbornness or spite last, as it will increase the wedge, making it all that more difficult to get back on track.
I know for sure that if you don't do something, love will become more and more stagnant and you will eventually drift so far apart that it might be more than difficult to regain a level of shared love...

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How Do You Relate to Others?

In previous articles we've looked at getting clear on what you want to accomplish in your relationships, and why. Now let's look at the next step to developing the connections in your life: examining what you're bringing to the table...
The way to strengthen or develop a relationship is to identify what is already working - or at least the possibilities and potential - as well as an awareness of what isn't. We can then maximize the positive aspects of the relationship while working together to develop and practice more adaptive alternatives to what's broken.
Exactly how to do this is beyond the scope of this article - but a good place to start is looking at how you relate to others:
Having this awareness helps foster successful relationships because it gives you the opportunity to identify what you do well, as well as identify new behaviors to try on. It also fosters insight into which types of personalities, environments, and situations you prefer.
Knowing this allows you to make some conscious decisions and plan accordingly. It allows you to decide with whom and where you can easily develop relationships, and with whom and where you choose to step out of your comfort zone (or not). You can decide which relationships will come more naturally and easily; and which will take more time, energy, and skill.
Begin by looking at the relationships you've had in the past. Start with your childhood and move forward to the present day. Here are some example questions to ask yourself:
Who was your best friend? Why?
Who did you get along with best in your family? Why?
Who were your favourite teachers? Bosses?
What drew you to various romantic partners or adult friendships? What sustained them?
Who do you feel most comfortable around currently?
Who makes you challenge yourself to be a better person? How?
Think of all the people in your life, past and present, that you connected with on the deepest levels. What were the common features of these relationships? Of these people? Of the situation you were in together?
What was your contribution?
Now think about who you've had the most difficult times with. What made it difficult? What part did you play in this?
Think about what your answers to these questions mean: after you've decided what you want from the relationships in your life - and which relationships you want to work on - think about what it is that you're bringing to the table.
Think about how you typically relate to others in a variety of circumstances; and decide which traits and habits to build upon, which to change, and which to let go of completely.
Chris Hammer, Ph.D. is a certified professional coach and licensed psychologist. He offers leadership and life coaching services, as well as various self-development tools for people who are passionate about reaching higher levels of success and becoming the best they can be.
Get your free eBook on Great Communication at http://www.mycoachingbooks.com/
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I'm Engaged! Now What Do I Do?

Tons of couples get engaged over the holidays and once the dust settles, the question remains...what do I do next??? There are a lot of step to take and things to do, and sometimes it can be very overwhelming.
Here are a few steps that will help you to ease into the process of planning your wedding!
1. Decide on the Season. Depending on what time of year you would like to get married, you will have more or less time to make your decisions. Every season has its benefits and if you need to start a list to decide on what works best for you, that's a great place to start.
2. Decide on A Budget. Who will be paying for your wedding? Mom and Dad? You and your fiance? A little of both? Sometimes its good to lay out who will be paying for what and then decide on where your money will be going. Wedding Wire has a great tool you can use to start planning your budget.
3. Decide on a Wedding Venue. Wedding Venues tend to book up to 2 year in advance, so get on the ball are start looking at some venues. Try to find a wedding venue that will fit your style and that will allow you to really enjoy your day. If you are more of a DIY Bride, then find a venue that will let you bring in as much wedding details as you like, if you would rather have the whole thing done for you, look for more of an all inclusive wedding venue...or maybe even a destination wedding!
4. Start a Pinterest. if you don't know what this is, it is nothing short of inspiration genius! It is a virtual binder that will keep all of your amazing wedding ideas in a nice organized website just for you. You can search just about anything, find some things you love, pin them and they will be there when you want to find them again! Its amazing and waiting for you to use it!
5. Think about what KIND of wedding you want to have. When your guests are walking away from your wedding, what would you like them to say about your day? Would you want them to say that it was personal? Romantic? Thoughtful, Fun, Crazy? Or more laid back, enjoyable and relaxing? More formal or informal? Glam or genuine? Write down a few adjectives about what you want your wedding to be like and start building ideas from there. You will have a guide to go by, and this will help you know what NOT to include in your wedding day.
6. Start planning a guest list. Your venue size and budget will help you decide on this one, but it does take a while to whittle that list down to a manageable size, so the sooner you start on making this list, the better.
7. Book your Wedding Photographer. I suggest asking friends and family about photographers that they have had...or checking out friends images on Facebook that you like. Then check out their websites and see what they have to offer. Most modern wedding photographers will have blogs where you can view their latest work. Photographers can book dates quickly, so book your soon after choosing your venue.
8. Find your Wedding Gown. This is such a personal journey, its best to involve your friends and family to try on wedding dresses. Many Wedding Gown boutiques take appointments, and this is best to use your time wisely.
9. Start Thinking about your Honeymoon. A Honeymoon Registry like Honeymoonwishes.com will allow friends and family to help you pay for your wedding by contributing money straight to your Honeymoon. This might help determine where you might want to go, so plan ahead and get it on a registry early.
10. Start thinking about flowers, food and cake. These wedding vendors tend to book later in the year, so its okay to plan on them later in the wedding planning season.
Kaylee Eylander
Based in Seattle, WA, Kaylee has been a wedding industry professional for 8 years and enjoys every second of it! See her work at http://www.eylanderphotography.com/

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How to find one partner: Tips for people senior, I meet with a man

, You are a single, senior sons and you want to steal in wait '' in ''. Some advice that will help you.
1. does jenetalize. If you don't have long lost your partners, smashing Windows and spray painting you divorcé, the worst things you can do is wait send this message to go into the scenes. Not saisir first woman available. Take some time to settle into routine you. Be sure grieve. Know what you are looking for in a partner. They had been there for some time just to find out yourself and Love you Maybe you just want a amitié. The other side maybe married in future you. Come to the knowledge of your rules.
2. do not pass every minute waking sought to dispel any notion the prospect a woman. Honestly on you schedule every day. Do you know how many couple met in the supermarket, or church? Sometimes when you at least expect him to, a affiche.
3. take some time to I do things you like. If you feel you have a excessive loss and don't meet anyone new take on some new activities intérêt you. Do you like théâtre? Volunteer our community, théâtre. Build together, the better-painting, sculpture, painted constructions, lanterns seven branch is, you do yourself. Find a book club you write group. Find a gym you du for soccer game. There are many woman stop at every this situation. And during see, why not remained active in all (s) you request. You can get a associated with interest similaires.
4. For friends know you interested of them to. they might have suggestions potential the woman whom you may ask. they might all corriger on a date blind. Now, separately, blind date worked to couple a lot.
5. port is considered a key to maintaining services in. In till today and âge place that many people meet in their counterparts. Have sights are available only to u.s. people. Keep an eye on site every with and decide which best to what you need.
Now once, you fill out a woman you were seated to, there are some point's very important that you may keep in mind.
Not discuss religion, politics, disease, death divorce you finance on the first date some From the following subject areas should wait until you feel confortable. On a date first keep conversation positive light and. Discuss trip Your favoris restaurant you eat with.
If you not a smoker you you obtenez who early in the process. Probably won't we are well the of a man of one or East.
Not pressure you date for long term relations objectives. He will scare a woman out of the if you said earlier, '' I waiting for a women and is. '' For one thing a woman may feel special-purpose planes, not like you take first woman available.
Keep a leader. Unless a great red flag said to the woman from on a second date. a good take care of is if you know this she's a real you could spend a long time with, you could potentiellement is, do not go more than three times. So why wait not start? Remember 80, the 60 new
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How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back in a Short Time

A breakup can never be that serious if you just know how to handle it well. If you feel that this was a right decision that you and your boyfriend have made, then there should be no problem in deciding in favor of it. However, if you feel that you still deserve each other, then the best that you can do is to make the right moves in order win your ex boyfriend back. How to get your ex boyfriend back in the shortest time possible must be your main focus. By concentrating on this, you would be able to realize your plans of rebuilding your relationship.Before you rush into taking the first steps at winning back you ex boyfriend, it may be necessary for you to determine first the reasons why the relationship ended. You need to know whether there are some things about you that he dislikes. Of course, if you think that you can change yourself or if you can get rid of those attitudes that he may not like, you should try to do so. After your ex finds out that you have changed for the better, he would surely entertain the idea of getting into a relationship with you again.
How to get your ex boyfriend back is no longer as difficult as trying to make a person fall in love with you for the first time. Surely, you already know some if not all of your ex boyfriend's traits. This could be an advantage. In relation to this, it is very likely that you know the very things that that your ex likes so much about you, those that made him really love you. Consider these and showcase these every time you have the chance of being with him. If he fell in love with you before even when you were still a complete stranger, there is a great possibility that he will fall for you again now.
The very first time that you interact as friends again is the most important part of the effort. This is the reason why you should be really prepared for this instance. Preparing for this does not involve choosing the best looking clothes though. This also means making yourself ready always with the words to say in your first conversation with him after you have broken up. Always make sure to say something that may at first seem neutral but is actually one that tries to make him fall in love with you again in the most subtle manner.
The past is your most useful treasure and this is something that you would surely use to your advantage. What you should do here is to remind your ex boyfriend about the fun times that you had with him. This would surely work wonders though if your ex happens to be the sentimental type too. If he loves reminiscing, you can surely make him have fun talking about the past with you. An activity like this when done very often would surely make him feel soon that that he must have a mistake in breaking up with you.
All the steps mentioned above are good only about two weeks after the breakup. Do not do any of these too early or one week after the breakup because the results could be less beneficial. After the breakup, do not even make an effort to talk with him. You should make him feel how much he has lost for letting you go. Practice this for two weeks and until a month. This is like plowing the ground and making it ready for the next steps.
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Inner Silence

"To listen is to develop inner silence." Lolly Daskal
True listening is hard to do. We have to work on developing listening skills. When we are in our Drama Queens while trying to listen to someone, we aren't listening to them. It is all about our inner victim screaming out the wrong things. It may go something like this:
Boyfriend/Husband: I've had a really tough day. (Heads toward his man cave)
When you're a Drama Queen, the inside of your head is bursting with injustice so things like this are running through your brain: What, no kiss, smile or hug? Like, I didn't have a bad day? I've had a day too. I had another meeting at work that went nowhere and A, B and C happened. Great. Just go ahead into the other room. It's all about you when I could use some help here. ETC. So you may say something like:
Drama Queen You: Fine.
And that fine is dripping with "not fine." It's angry, venomous and dripping with sarcasm. You're boyfriend, husband, lover knows that things aren't fine, that he is in deep trouble, but just like you he is at the end of his rope and needs a break. So he takes it. Because he really doesn't want to get into an argument. He needs the down time so he can deal with the next thing. Which will be an argument with you after he deals with his bad day.
When you're in Sassy and Confident mode...your inner silence is strong. You can hear what the man you love is really saying to you.
Boyfriend/Husband: I've had a really tough day. (Heads toward his man cave)
You feel the fact that his ego may be battered a bit. It's not personal. He is going into his man cave and when he comes out, he'll be stronger. So you give that to him because you love him. When you're Sassy and Confident, you smile warmly, head into the kitchen, grab him a beer or glass of wine and hand it to him. You say something like this:
Sassy You: Take all the time you need. I'm going out to do some errands and will be back later.
Give him the space he needs and he will be thrilled with you! Maybe he was a bit rude coming in, no warm greeting and escaping to his room. Don't take it personally and remove yourself from the situation. (Hence the errands) When you come home, I'm sure his attitude will be adjusted. You gave him what he wanted. Alone time. So make the best of it and go shopping, to a movie or do something else you want to do. Take care of you when he's taking care of himself.
There is an onslaught of noise you encounter every day disrupting your inner silence. Things in the past that crop up again and again that haunt us, new voices telling us what is wrong with us, patterns we've formed to protect us. And the oh so present conditioning. Those special little reminders society puts upon us to keep us in line. Your happiness and fulfillment depends on you developing listening skills. For you and those you love. "Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You." So how do we do it? You find what gives you peace: what quiets your mind so you can truly listen. Ideas for you to explore:
1. Meditation or a long walk. Breathe deeply and try to clear your mind. This takes practice. The pay off can be so worth it!
2. Release control: When you take care of Drama Queen negative energy by working out, venting to a girlfriend, a long, hot shower, dancing your frustration away, it can clear your mind.
3. Practicing communication skills includes practicing your listening skills. Your Drama Queen is all about her "sniff." When you release the edgy energy your Drama Queen is all about, it is easier to take a breath, be understanding and hear the other person.
4. Practicing your communication skills involves saying what you need to say in a calm, matter of fact way. Practice in a mirror. Notice your vocal tone. Join a group like Toastmasters to really up your communication skills!
5. PLAY! Learn to laugh and see the humor in your cry baby Drama Queen. She needs something, she is just going about it in all the wrong ways. Once you can laugh at her, you can handle much more.
Bitch Lifestyle
Why the Bitch Lifestyle?
Words like "Bitch" can be used to make women feel bad. This demeans and is not empowering. Here we take the power back. The Bitch Lifestyle is about celebrating women: our fun, emotions, sensuality, individuality, successes, creativity and our beauty.
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Intimacy: What Causes The Fear Of Intimacy?

Intimacy can mean different things to different people. It is a word that has numerous meanings and interpretations. The meaning I am going to be looking at here is closeness.
Although closeness is usually experienced in relationships of the opposite sex, it can be experienced in any relationship where there is an emotional connection. And an emotional connection can also be felt with friends, colleagues and teachers for example.
The Fear Of Intimacy
To become close to another involves opening ourselves up and a natural consequence of this is that our defences are dropped. We are then vulnerable; which is perfectly normal and part of being human.
However this feeling of vulnerability can be so strong and so overwhelming that it can cause one to retract and avoid closeness altogether.
For others it can mean that they will allow closeness to occur, but only so close. And if it were to go any further than what they are comfortable with; they will likely retract and wait for the level of closeness they are comfortable with to return.
Where Does It Come From?
So where does the fear of intimacy originate from? Through my own experience and research I would say that the fear of intimacy is created during our younger years. What happens during that time and how we interpret what happens is what causes the fear of intimacy.
It is the relationships that we have with our caregivers that have the potential to define how comfortable we are with intimacy throughout our whole life.
The Forgotten Past
Everything that has happened during those years is often largely forgotten about. What are not forgotten about are the emotions, thoughts, sensations and behaviours that these experiences have created.
These can seem random and to just happen, without cause or reason, when the opportunity for intimacy appears.
Early Years
The primary relationship that one has during their early years is usually where ones meaning of intimacy is formed. It is during this time that the mind forms associations of what is safe and what is not, in regards to emotional closeness. It also forms associations of what happens when intimacy occurs and what intimacy is.
I believe there are three main scenarios going on here. Which are: the distant caregiver, the hot/cold caregiver and the overbearing/smothering caregiver. These are fairly lose descriptions, as they can merge together; with each scenario having the potential to combine and influence each other.
Distant Caregiver
This is the caregiver that is rarely around physically. It might also be a caregiver that is around, but is emotionally unavailable when they are around. So either way, they are not present or available.
Hot/Cold Caregiver
This is the caregiver that has moments when they are around and when they are not, this might sound perfectly normal. However, this is not based on routine or plan; these moments are irregular and uncertain. With the child not knowing, when or if, the caregiver is going to be there for them.
Overbearing/smothering caregiver
With this caregiver, they are present and are able to be relied upon, however they can cause the child to be overwhelmed and suffocated. The Child's boundaries are ignored; the child is then used to fulfil the caregivers own needs, with the child's needs often being ignored and neglected.
Consequences
The consequence of this is that one's model of intimacy will be at best skewed and at worst dysfunctional. This of course has the potential to cause years of pain around intimacy.
First Scenario
In the first scenario the distant caretaker is seldom available. This can create feelings of: alonesss, hopelessness, shame, rejection, abandonment, shame and betrayal. This can also form problems around being able to trust people and on being able to rely on them.
Second Scenario
With the second scenario the caretaker cannot be consistently relied upon to be there either. This can create feelings much like the ones above, but perhaps there intensity is different. These are: hopelessness, rejection, shame, abandonment and worthlessness.
Third Scenario
In the third scenario the child experiences an extreme level of closeness. This can create feelings of: suffocation, panic, overwhelm, hopelessness, helplessness, betrayal and shame.
Reliance And Trust
If our caregivers could not be consistently relied upon or trusted to be there for us, it is only normal for one to doubt the likelihood of being able to rely on or to trust that others to be there either. And if one was brought up by an overwhelming caretaker; it is only normal to expect that from other people if one were to get close.
And if this is the kind of intimacy that is familiar to the ego mind and therefore what is safe and as a result continually attracted into one's life, it is only normal to avoid it.
Fear Of Closeness
The following fears can then be experienced: if we get close to another they will disappear or they will be distant or that we will lose ourselves and become overwhelmed if we experience intimacy.
These fears can then be projected onto others and other people with the same traumas can be attracted to us.
Self Sabotage
With these original experiences still playing out in ones unconscious mind; one will continue to create the same scenarios, to play the same roles and have others play the same roles as ones caregivers did.
This can cause one to sabotage any chance of intimacy and this is not necessarily because of the type of relationships that they are exposed to, but due of the minds original associations of what intimacy is and the perceptions that this creates.
Projection
What also makes the fear of intimacy hard to notice is repression and how ones fears can get projected externally. What I'm talking about here is that the fear of intimacy could show up as external rejection. It could also lead to the rejection of others.
The ego mind will then take on the role of the victim or the perpetrator. If one is continually rejected, the mind can then play the role of the victim. And if it is an experience of continually being the rejecter, the role of the perpetrator could be taken on.
The first position has the potential to cause one to regress back to how they felt as a child, with all those unprocessed feelings flooding back. And the second position will occur through one identifying with the caregiver as a way to feel a sense of power; this will also cause feelings to emerge.
These are two sides of the same coin and are neither healthy nor helpful in the pursuit of intimacy.
Processing The Past
These scenarios and roles will continue to play out until they have been made conscious and processed. The minds tendency is to avoid looking at what is painful and has numerous defence mechanisms to do it, such as the one mentioned above. But it is in facing our pain that will lead to healthy and fulfilling intimacy.
Ones story might be about the fear of intimacy and the pain, suffering and isolation that this brings, but this doesn't have to define one's life.
My name is Oliver Cooper, I been have been actively interested in self enquiry and self healing for over eight years. For just over a year I have been expressing my understandings with these transformational writings. One of my aims is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be in my own life.
Feel free to join the Facebook Group - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Life-Of-Resonance-Transformational-Writing/134282036672239?sk=wall


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Who Picks Up the Bill? How Gender Role Expectations Ruin Relationships

Every single one of us are raised with different expectations of how we are meant to behave according to our gender. Culture plays a huge role, as does the expectations of the society around us: friends, family, television, etc.There are multiple problems that differences in gender role expectations cause. From the very first interaction, gender roles play a part. Who initiates contact? Who asks who out?
Even after the first, second, and third waves of feminism, it's not uncommon to hear questions such as "Is it okay for me to ask him out?" or comments such as "She came on way too strong." There are still supposed "rules" for how a woman should behave during the courting ritual and how a man should go about pursuing her.
A man recently told me that because he is a staunch feminist, he would never open a car door for a woman and he would expect any woman who experienced such an insult to experience a fit of righteous indignation. Yet, some women expect men to open car doors. For a woman who had come to regard men opening doors for women as a sign of courteous consideration, the man's insistence on never opening her door could lead to misunderstandings and eventual arguments.
Gender role expectations play a part throughout the relationship. Even on the first date, who picks up the check? And more importantly, who keeps picking up the check?
On our 5th or so date, one of my exes shared with me that one of things he really liked about our first date was that I had reached for my wallet when the bill came. He ended up picking up the bill, which he said he usually did unless the girl didn't even offer to pay. Ah, and the slippery slope of gender role expectations continues.
The thing is society, culture, family, etc. all express opinions and assumptions about what men should do and what women should do. Both men and women internalize these gender roles and consciously, sometimes unconsciously, act them out. And these actions are often what we use to gauge whether someone is "feminine" enough or "masculine" enough. So the simplest action (such as who picks up the tab) is endowed with meaning.
As a relationship progresses, gender role expectations will become even more of an issue. Who stays home with the kids? So it's always advisable to understand what your partner's role expectations are before diving into a relationship.
Qua International is a boutique introductions agency specializing in personalized matchmaking for our busy, young professional clientele. Although we cater primarily to bi-cultured Asians, we strive to help all of our members find the perfect match.
You can learn more about us at http://www.quainternational.com/.

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Skip the Words, Say It in Flowers!

Flowers have always been a big part of relationships with friends and loved ones. Flowers are given as a token of love on first dates, anniversaries, birthdays and holidays such as Valentine's Day, and Mothers Day, the biggest flower giving day of the year. Roses are one of the most purchases flowers on a wedding day. Flowers represent so many emotions and say so much, whether it be, "I love you," or "I'm sorry." the recipient of flowers will most likely accept the gift with a smile and great appreciation.Expressing feeling on paper or in words is often hard for many people, which is why flowers can do the talking for them. To many, roses are the most beautiful of all flowers. Roses come in a variety of colors and each color represents something completely unique and special. Many florists and flower lovers alike will agree that Red roses are the most popular choice of roses. They represent love, respect and passion. A single red rose is an easy way to say. "I love you." Yellow roses carry significance in friendships, telling the recipient "I care about you and I am glad you are my friend."
While many of us would graciously accept lavender roses with no meaning attached, we might be slightly more delighted to find out the meaning behind these purple beauties. Lavender roses are thought to represent the feeling of "love at first sight" when given to another. Deep or dark pink roses are said to convey a message of, "thank you," and lighter pink roses carry a message of grace, happiness and sweetness. Orange and coral roses share a common meaning; both are believed to express emotions tied to desire and fascination.
Sometime the message conveyed with flowers is much more simplistic. Saying what you need to say in words or "in flowers" is a personal choice, but saying it with flowers is often very effective in conveying feelings of love, or even "just because." Flowers are often simply given to be given. Roses are an unspoken gesture of beauty with an enchanting aroma that so many love. When we may have a difficult time expressing our feelings, flowers can often help do the talking for us. For all aspects of our lives and all life cycle events, flowers help us welcome new babies into this world, tell the ones we love how much we care, comfort those who are grieving, or brighten someone's day with a thoughtful gesture. Flowers really do say so much.
Need flowers for your next event or anniversary? Visit our website at http://watermillflowers.com/

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Relationships: What Roles Are We Playing In Our Relationships?

What I am referring to by the term 'roles' is the way one behaves in the relationships in their life. So with the description out of the way, the first question is; what causes one to behave as they do in relationships when their behaviour is dysfunctional and disempowering and doesn't lead to fulfilling relationships? This is something I am going to do my best to answer.Present Day Behaviour
During those moments where ones behaviour is dysfunctional or disempowering, often the following can occur; something is said or something is done and before we know it our behaviour is completely out of control. With it seeming to happen so fast that we can often believe we have no control over our behaviour.
Although this might not just be a one of occurrence, it is usually a set of behaviours that appear throughout a relationship. There could also be behaviours that are constantly triggered around men, women or authority figures for example.
And once these behaviours are triggered it can be difficult to regain ones composure. It might cause one to feel that there is nothing they can do and this is who they are - an effect of the environment as opposed to a cause.
What Is Happening?
In all of these moments something is being triggered in the mind and what is being brought to the surface is usually the result of a memory or an accumulation of memories from ones childhood or an earlier point in life.
These triggers are often so subtle and out of conscious awareness that they can just seem to happen. This then naturally leads to feelings of powerlessness and of being a victim of circumstance.
Regression
As these memories are usually being triggered from ones childhood or from earlier relationships it can feel as though one is regressing. That their usual sense of self and their behaviour is no longer in existence.
Why Do They Still Exist?
It is quite clear that these old ways of behaving are counterproductive to ones wellbeing and empowerment, so why do they still exist? They exist because they are still associated with what is safe to the ego mind.
During ones childhood and younger years these were the behaviours that were utilised to ensure ones survival. To go against them at that time of one's life would be perceived as leading to rejection and abandonment.
Stimulus And Response
So looking at a scenario again, it now makes a lot more sense. All that is required is a trigger of some kind and our behaviour will then, as a consequence, regress to how it was at an earlier stage of our life. With this earlier stage usually being ones childhood.
This is one of the reasons that the behaviour is counterproductive, as it might have worked all those years ago to keep one safe, but when it comes to the present day the behaviour is outdated and disempowering.
Projecting Roles
These roles are not only limited to the roles that we play ourselves; there is also the other side of the coin. This is when we interpret others and see their behaviour in a way that reflects the roles of our caregivers or the people in our past. And by doing this, our ability to be conscious and to see others in a more balanced or conscious point of view is lost.
Example
Perhaps when one was younger they had an authoritative mother or father. It might then play out in two ways; the first would be that whenever they come across an authority figure they will tend to become submissive and fearful. The other likely approach would be behaviour that is aggressive and hostile.
Another example is the women who had an overbearing or controlling father. And when she is in an intimate relationship she has a tendency to regresses back to her earlier behaviour and the role she had around her father. This of course has no benefit and only causes her to feel overwhelmed and powerless.
In both of these examples, ones unprocessed past is being projected and manifested into the present moment and is then reappearing in the form of 'roles'.
That's The Way It Is
As I have mentioned above in regards to the nature of these roles; we can act in a certain manner and perceive others in specific ways, without ever noticing that these roles are being carried out and because of this unawareness we can go through life without ever questioning these roles.
Where Did These Roles Originate From?
These roles that we see in others and the roles that we embody are in many ways a consequence of our original role models. And our original reference point for role models is typically our parents/caregivers.
These were seen as god like figures and as people who were completely different to us. And in terms of their physical size and perhaps mental growth they were different to us. But inherently they came from the same place as us and are no different to us. They are still human beings who have needs and imperfections like us.
Parental Figures
The role of a mother and father is generally something that the majority of people can relate to and understand as an example. This could be because they are one of these roles or because they have had one or both of these in their life.
They are roles that are familiar and easy to understand. However, there are often emotions of anger and frustration and feelings of being let down and betrayed when one go's over their experiences with their parents or in comparing thir parents with other people's parents.
Development
However, as we grow older and develop ourselves, we have the chance to see our parents/caregivers more for who they are as opposed to the god like figures we thought they were. And that maybe they were the best people for our own growth to occur. Something that will be easier to grasp if one believes or knows that life has meaning and harder to believe in, if one sees life as random and meaningless.
They likely had needs that were not met and their own pain, all of which were likely to been have projected onto us and affected our upbringing and development.
Freedom From Roles
There might always be job titles and roles that are apart of those in our society, however the psychological roles that we play and perceive in others are not static. The types of roles that we play and the roles we interpret other people to play can always change.
With dancing there is a constant motion and movement, and just like how a dance will stop when there is resistance; so will the flow of life when our mind becomes fixed and resistant.
Awareness is required for this flow to happen and for the dissolving of roles to occur. And first and foremost awareness of ourselves and out of that allows for the awareness of others.
My name is Oliver Cooper, I been have been actively interested in self enquiry and self healing for over eight years. For just over a year I have been expressing my understandings with these transformational writings. One of my aims is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been to me.
Feel free to join the Facebook Group - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Life-Of-Resonance-Transformational-Writing/134282036672239?sk=wall

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The Fear of Being Alone Might Accentuate Your Fear of Change: How Can You Defeat Both Fears?

You, like many others, might be controlled by the Fear of Being Alone: the sense of loneliness; the silence in the house, the lack of touch and soft caress. Being alone makes you feel unloved and invaluable. You feel that without a partner you have no one to share your life with. You might tell yourself that "anyone who is worth anything has a relationship".The Fear of Being Alone might therefore drive you to stay in a relationship that isn't satisfying, but fearing aloneness accentuates your Fear of Change. You stay foot, don't make a move, and continue to be miserable.

Patty
Patty has been going out with Sean for almost two years. When they met, she was impressed by his intellect and great knowledge, but the better she got to know him, the more she realized he wasn't a good partner for her.
She had already considered breaking up with him several times, but on second thought, why be alone during weekends when, after all, what was holding them together were the wonderful hikes through nature they took? And besides, the chances of finding someone better were really small.
Patty knows that Sean isn't a suitable partner. But the fear of being alone discourages her from leaving. She justifies staying with him using endless excuses.

Excuses and rationalizations you use to justify staying where you are
When you stay in a relationship that isn't good for you and are afraid to change, you look for excuses and rationalizations to justify yourself:
* "One has to make compromises in life."
* "I'll never find a better relationship anyway."
* "My partner will change."
* "Things will be different with time."
* "I don't need a lot from my partner anyway."
* "No one can give me all I need - at least I have someone."

Coping mechanisms you use to staying in an unsatisfying relationship
In an effort to cope with an unsatisfying relationship, you might engage in activities without your partner: meeting with your friends, attending workshops and lectures, spending time in outdoor activities, and the like. You try to spend as little time as possible with a partner with whom you actually don't want to be, but nonetheless stay because of your fear of being alone.
At times, not having the courage to end the relationship, you make use of pretexts for staying by claiming that:
* "I still love my partner a little."
* "I feel affection for my partner."
* "I've become accustomed to my partner."
At times, you might even use philosophical statements:
* "We're born alone and die alone. Life is full of loneliness, so if we can avoid it by being with someone, even if it isn't the right person, why shouldn't we?"
* "Life has no meaning anyway, so what does it matter who we're with?"
* "Life is short. We can't keep looking for the best all the time. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

Don't deceive yourself!
These excuses, reasons, rationalizations and philosophical "words-of-wisdom" often border on self-deception, since it's more convenient to believe in your own justifications rather than leave an unsatisfying relationship. When those close to you call your attention to it, you are likely to get angry at them, not realizing that your anger is an indication that deep down you "know" you deceive yourself. Yet, the Fear of Being Alone exerts so much power over you that you just don't take the necessary steps to change.

Understand what drives your fears - and make a change
When you take the time to be alone, observe and get to know yourself, you can understand the needs, deprivations and messages which drive your Fear of Being Alone and impel you to not make any change in your current situation. With this understanding you can develop the personal power that enables you to combat the Fear of Change, seek and develop a satisfying intimate relationship.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships with a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. He is the author of more than 130 articles on the subject and of "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship (Chapters 11, 12, 13 discuss fears and how to overcome them): http://amzn.to/eAmMmH
More on Dr. Gil's expertise, book and articles: http://self-awareness-and-relationships.blogspot.com/

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Time And Relationships: Sexiness Can Survive

People in relationships spend so much time worrying about how to keep love alive. While it is human nature, it is debilitating to the relationship.If we could learn to flow with love, we would be better off. If we could simply learn our partner and their ways, then what we have to do to keep them intrigued would be all the easier.
I stress this often, friendship is imperative in any relationship. When you are friends, there is greater knowledge of one another, greater understanding of each others ways, and, more tolerance of things which we do not care for. Without friendship, the relationship is simply a bunch of feelings, which have nothing or little to root to. Friendship is that root which allows love to blossom and grow beyond time expectancy.
Ask any couple who has been together for a long period of time and they will tell you that they are best friends. Being friends with the one you love is building a foundation which will not shift with life.
When we have friendship in our love relationships, it is easier to flow with time. We have each other for support, encouragement, compassion, and many other factors which increase the love itself...
Without friendship, we have passion, which is not a bad thing, but, if that is ALL there is, it often dies, as it has nothing to feed it, and, while sex and physical love are needed in making a relationship, it surely is not a strong enough foundation to build on. Some who were initially attracted by physical desire have survived, but, that is because they ultimately became friends in the process.
Relationships are tough, especially in the hands of time. People over analyze the effects of time. Instead, they could be spending that time finding ways to keep romance and attraction alive and well. It need not be viewed as a chore, rather as a nurturing, especially if they are in it for the long haul.
Let's say a man and a woman have been married/together for 20 years. They have gone through a lot together. Their minds have changed many times in these years, their spirits have changed, and, their bodies have changed.
Many people who are aging decide that they are not sexy anymore. Please! Sexy is not just about body, it is an attitude and using that attitude! It is about confidence from within which will shine without! It is something which cannot be touched, but, which makes your partner want to touch you!
Being sexy does not have to involve showing the body. It is better to showcase the body in certain ways; this is another usefulness for lingerie. Lingerie and showcasing should be synonymous. We do not have to show lots of skin in order to look sexy.
When a person is confident and secure in their womanhood/manhood, there is a natural sexiness which is present. Add to that some allure, such as a lovely satin robe with a seductive gown beneath, hair and face in place, some accessories, and the right timing; well, no matter what age, she is going to be hot to her mate. It doesn't matter if she is hot to you or me, all that matters is that she is hot to her man, and, he to her.
We cannot limit ourselves when it comes to appeal to our mate. We also, cannot limit our mind to believing that others would laugh at us, are they gonna be there? That is silly, that is lack of confidence, and, it is wasting precious time.
Embrace your attributes and use them wisely. If you don't look good in something, find something which will look good on you. If you find that certain something which creates fire, then use it every so often, this will keep that relationship ever grounded, and, it will have both of you smiling, which will have everyone wondering why you are so happy after all of this time...

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Professional Photos For Dating Profiles

So you want to start a dating profile but you're not sure if it's a good idea to use those old photos of yours (back when you still did not have those crows feet around your eyes!). Or perhaps you already have an existing profile in one of those dating websites but you're not sure whether or not the photos that you have there are working their magic (have there been just a few "online winks" from potential partners?)So now you're considering having professional dating headshots taken because, quite naturally, you want to attract as many possible potential life partners. Still, you might have reservations. Are professionally taken photos for dating profiles really a good idea? Should one really have professionally taken dating headshots? Must one even consider photography for dating profiles? How can taking professional photos for dating profiles help?
Well, first of all, and more importantly, nothing beats letting the pros take your photos - be they for regular family albums or for dating profiles. Professional photographers have the "eye" for all things beautiful and that includes portrait photos that practically jump out from all the rest and grab more attention. Professional photographers can take dating headshots that show your best features and capture certain angles that you yourself may not even have thought possible. In other words, professional photos can be way more effective in the dating scene than "homemade" ones just taken by a friend with hardly any knowledge in framing.
But exactly what are the other pros on why photography for dating profiles should be considered? Why is taking professional photos for your dating profiles a good idea?
For one, the professional photographer can suggest the best pose or best angle for you. After all, professional photographers have encountered a lot of faces and they know what will work and what will not. More often than not, professional photographers are already knowledgeable when it comes to shapes of faces, tilts, angles and shadows. They will guide you and will give you their best recommendations in terms of pose and angle. Take for instance one of the dreaded horrors when it comes to dating headshots - the double chin!
Professional photographers can advise you of the proper eye level in order to avoid the dreaded double chin. The photographer can also help tilt your face in such a way that not only is it in the proper or right frame, it also highlights your best angle and nice facial features.
Second, (and this is another dreaded horror when it comes to photos for dating profiles) the "red eye." Unlike point and shoot cameras that have the tendency of producing photos of people with "red eyes," professional photographers, with the aid of their professional photography equipment such as lighting and DSLR cameras, have a way of avoiding this. Now think of the possible scenario if in case you uploaded a photo of you with that dreaded "red eye" to a certain dating website. Yes, you might still receive messages from potential suitors...messages containing pieces of advice on how to treat red eyes!
Third, professional photographers can advise you of the proper clothes to wear, the setting or environment or even the proper hair and make-up styles. There are professional photographers who also double as stylists and they can give you pieces of advice with regard to your total look. Or your photographer can refer you to a professional make-up artist and/or hairstylist who can do the job. At this point, however, you might be thinking: but how do I know if the photographer is the best choice to take these dating headshots? How can I be sure that the photos that he or she will take will really stand out from the rest and really grab attention?
Here's one important tip to always remember - a professional photographer will do everything in his or her power to make you feel comfortable - because at the end of the day, if you're happy and you feel comfortable, then you will not hesitate to smile...and when those winning smiles come out, only then can you truly have the best dating headshots.
(c) Headshot London Photography Professional Portrait Photographers. For more examples of our work please see our Portrait Portfolio.

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Separation and Merger in Relationships

When I was a young man and everyone my age was dating and forming new relationships, it used to bother me when my friends got involved with someone and suddenly became completely unavailable. They'd spend every spare minute with their new flame. You know the type of couple I'm talking about -- the ones who seem joined at the hip. A certain amount of preoccupation with a new romance is natural, but when two people can't bear to be separated and abandon older friendships, they've merged identities. On some level, they are no longer two distinct people. Only when you're really separate do you feel need, longing, desire, jealousy, etc.Maybe one of them will adopt the interests and opinions of the other person and adapt his or her personality to fit. Some people believe this is the only way they can be loved, that it's not possible to be authentic. It can also be a way to merge with the loved one, to fuse identities so there will be no experience of separation.
One of my patients, a young gay man, used to change his speech patterns, political viewpoints and style of dress whenever he became involved with someone new. He was a true chameleon, with very little sense of his own identity, and merged with each new partner. At the same time, he made sure never to appear demanding, instead showing himself completely amenable to whatever the other man wanted. At heart, he feared that to expose the needy self he despised would mean rejection.
Consumed by self-hatred, he despised his own needs and felt sure that, if they were revealed, his partner would hate them, too.
This young man stands at the extreme end of a spectrum: each of us can bear differing degrees of separation. At the other extreme are people who can tolerate that experience no better but instead avoid relationships altogether. Fusion at one end, isolation at the other. Where are you on the spectrum? Here are some ways to confront these issues in your relationship.
Make a plan to do something on your own (discuss this with your partner first; don't simply announce it as a done deal). Try to choose an activity you'd actually like to do but that might be out of character, something that challenges the rules of your relationship.
How do you feel about taking this step? Anxious? Excited? How about your partner? Do you receive encouragement or resentment? Is he or she afraid that you might meet someone new? It would be even more helpful if your partner also stepped out of character and tried something new, so you could confront your own anxieties about separation.
Or maybe you already have your own separate spheres -- interests or relationships outside the couple that don't include the other person. Do these areas stir up conflict? Any underlying jealousy or resentment? If these turn out to be areas of conflict, it could be a result of inconsideration or inequity in your relationship, but it might also touch upon issues of needs and separation.
Joseph Burgo PhD is a clinical psychologist with 30+ years experience in the mental health profession. He writes two blogs, one called 'After Psychotherapy' where he discusses psychotherapy issues such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder from a psycho-dynamic perspective; on the other blog, 'Movies and Mental Health' hosted by PsychCentral, he uses classic and contemporary films to illustrate his ideas. His forthcoming book on psychological defense mechanisms will be released by New Harbinger Publications in Spring 2013. He also offers online counseling.

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The Secrets Never Told

People's reactions are often opposite to what they're actually feeling. We know this by our experience, perhaps where we pretended to be pleased in a certain situation, but within we were quietly seething. This is obvious to some; less obvious to others.Some relationships we have feature inherent conflict - for no want of rhyme nor reason we know those we don't get along with, but we have little idea - in most realities - why. We cannot climb inside their brains or feel with their hearts, and few human beings we develop enough intimacy with to truly understand.
The saying that 'secrets are never told' may be self-evident, but it has more bearing on our relationships than we ordinarily account for.

APPRECIATING WHAT WE DON'T KNOW
What might appear absurd is, without doubt, our challenge. We need to somehow appreciate what we don't know, and will never know. Such an appreciation is the gift of an ever-opened mind.
Such an appreciation is also the constant cognitive clarification that ensures fewer assumptions are made, meaning less relational damage takes place.
Knowing that there are secrets about, that trust within certain relationships will be scant, helps us understand other people; it doesn't hinder our relationships, because we understand the barriers to communication are common to human experience and can be explained person-to-person.
Appreciating what we don't know is also appreciating we don't need to know everything; indeed, we are saved from much senseless knowledge and many vexing pieces of information which would make life so horribly complex.

TRYING OUR BEST TO EXPOSE OUR OWN SECRETS IN SAFETY
What may be the case in ordinary lives around us - the keeping of secrets by others regarding their real perceptions within our interactions - is no excuse for us, however.
It is a blessed situation for us to accept the fact that others carry their secrets, whilst ensuring we have trustworthy sounding boards to share our secrets with. This is an effective way of dealing with our problems and junk.
It is blessed because it features both acceptance for things we cannot change (regarding others) and courage to change the things we can (regarding ourselves). Only through doing both things, practicing acceptance and courage, can we grow in wisdom as far as our relationships are concerned.
***
Many secrets of life we cannot change, and we are blessed to accept they exist. Not assuming that the appearance of our relationships means much, we enter into relations with a healthy open mind. Others' secrets we can do nothing about, but accept it's a universal human practice to cherish personal privacy.
© 2011 S. J. Wickham.
Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

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Sometimes It's Not Ok

I don't know how you feel.I can only remember how I felt when it happened to me.
And it sucked.
I'm not going to tell you to feel better because it's not time for "better" -yet.
Because sometimes it's not OK.
Perhaps such a statement elicits a sigh of relief, a ping of anxiety, or maybe you're totally appalled.
Either way: Stay with it. Root yourself there.
Here's the thing...
Despite the universality of loss + pain, we know very little about recovery from it and, oddly, the acceptance of it. Navigating through soul-aching emotional remorse is a misunderstood process that most of us have very little idea how to respond to.
Correction.We do have a universal response to pain. And it sounds like this:
"Don't feel bad."
"You just need to keep busy."
"Time heals all wounds."
"Be strong."
"Pull yourself up by the bootstraps."
Screw that. I'm here to tell you: Feel bad.
Seriously, no rush. Take a minute right where you are.
Truth: most of the condolences you hear after you've been struck by life are rational + intellectual but emotionally void. How often have you heard "don't feel bad,"when the relationship ended, the doctor had negative news, the lay off finally happened or the car broke down- again?
"Don't feel bad" is dismissive. It is unintentional but it diminishes your own, your lover's, friend's, family's appropriate, valid emotions.
Being infused with sadness is all about a broken heart, not a broken mind.
And you can't cure a broken heart with your head. It's simply the wrong tool.
This one you'll have to feel your way through.
Loss monumentally shifts everything in your life.
Enough so that you + others will want to apply "smarts" to push through those cataclysmic feelings in a jiffy.
BUT....
Over-intellectualizing your pain (or anyone else's for that matter) is a type of avoidance. The loss is too unnerving, too uncomfortable - so you bury it under a flurry of distractions + quick dismissals. Over time this unresolved pain is cumulativeand will resurface with the sole task of dismantling you.
Don't fall prey to the ol' adage "time heals all wounds."
It's what you do with that time that helps you heal. Repair.
Choose a new approach. Choose completion rather than avoidance.
Here's the doosy of 'em all. When you give yourself and others permission to be upset, you pave the path to steadfast "completion." You recognize you have the right to feel upset from time to time no matter how loved ones react.
You understand the pain of the loss/change will sting LESS in the long-run
when you embrace it's "ok-ness." in the short-run.
And if your particular loss this time around is the loss of a relationship?
Maybe the relationship was mostly rewarding.
Maybe you spent a portion of it mascara streaked + curled up in a ball crying.
Or perhaps it was problematic from the get-go.
Regardless, when it ends, you are left reaching out for someone who used to be there OR who has never been there + still isn't.
It can feel shitty.
Ahh-hem...
Sometimes it's not F #$@'ing OK. And that is OK!
So feel lousy + as you begin to recover, you can start sorting through what worked and what didn't in the relationship. But what if weeks go by, then months, and you still feel as if you're wandering around in a thick grey fog? Have you stumbled into the black hole of grief never to return?
Give it about six to nine months. It often takes that long after a serious relationship for you to pick up the pieces and start rebuilding your sense of self.
Whether it be a romantic relationship, family, friends, health, finances - there are very few vistas that grief will not infest. When it does:
Steal the courage to allow the pain to surface.
Be there with it.
Befriend it.
Then commit to letting it go.
© 2011 Danielle Dowling
Danielle Dowling is a relationship expert who helps women get the man and a bad-ass life. She is an intuitive strategist who works with progressive ladies who are ready to stop comprising on the things that matter most -- soulful companionship, meaningful sex,sisterhood (minus the snark) and above all, self-love. So if you're seeking: freedom+ fully-realized potential, legendary love +meaningful romance, razor sharp consciousness+ effortless communication pop by her blog for regular doses of awesome: http://danielle-dowling.com/life-coaching-articles.

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What Makes A Man An Abuser?

There's an old saying '... character is doing what's right when nobody else is looking.' In other words, someone with a healthy personality behaves well in public and in private. Many abusive men are good in social situations - acting as perfect partners in public. That's how they get women to fall in love with them. Their bullying side comes out when nobody else is looking.For a lot of women it's important to understand why some men want to hurt them. Mr. Wrong will act out in seven different ways, but the underlying cause is the same. There is clear evidence to show that it's all about his early upbringing - a chilling fact that all women should be aware of.
So what marks out an emotionally abusive man from a normal guy? A man who dishes out verbal, emotional and psychological violence can't be normal. Can he? A lot of people think he must be suffering from a personality disorder. Well, many of the abuse stories I've heard conjure up an image of a man who is quite normal on the surface. He'll hold down a job, go out with friends and pay the bills. He's often charming and popular. But when the door closes and it's just him and you - that's when he shows his dark side.
Many women report that living with an abusive man is like living with two separate people. The one she fell in love with and the one who calls her vile names, destroys her confidence and breaks down her character. And this leads a lot of people to assume that abusive men have narcissistic personality disorder or some other mental illness. Perhaps a few of them have. However, the explanation is usually simpler than that and more shocking.
There's plenty of evidence to show that the roots of his personality are twisted by bad male role models in early life.
An inadequate, unintelligent or vengeful father figure will teach his son that men are superior to women. This might be overt - if the father doesn't try to cover up his dislike of women. It's common knowledge that if a son is brought up in an atmosphere of domestic violence, he's more likely to be violent in his own relationships. Or it might be more subtle - teaching the young boy to discount women in general and think of himself and his life as more important.
There are seven main characteristic personality types when it comes to abusive men:
An entitled, hedonistic man is like a spoiled childA superior man wants a sidekick who never disagrees with himA competitive man likes to break you down piece by pieceA control freak wants total control over you - mind, body and soulA fake 'New Man' sucks you dry with his insatiable emotional needsA seducer wants sex with as many women as possible - and a stable 'monogamous' relationship with youAnd a macho man refuses to control his aggressive impulses - verbally, emotionally or physically.
Whatever his personality type, an emotionally abusive man is usually not mentally ill. He might want you to believe that his cruelty is all your fault. Or he might persuade you that he's suffered at the hands of other women, authority figures or society. He might have addiction issues. But remember, none of these are an excuse for abuse. He's not a narcissist. He just has a really low opinion of women.
So, how do you spot a man like that? One way is to be very aware of how he behaves when it's just the two of you. When no one else is looking - is he disrespectful? Does he say or do things he wouldn't want his friends to know about? Or does he make sexist jokes you're supposed to laugh at? Only you can answer this.
If you'd like to find out more on this subject, including a free series of articles about how you can recover from emotionally abusive relationships, go to http://www.wolfinyourbed.com/.

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Relationships - Winning By All Means

Relationships are a quirky set of mind games played by some of the most super of athletes, a husband and a wife.Gridiron gold, the summer/winter games across the pond or just round ball tournament play. It takes a certain amount of skill and finesse to make the team work like a winning team.
Everyone knows that there is only one captain, one team owner, one coach. Not so in a successful marriage. Getting top billing in this relationship is almost as thrilling as the game itself in married life.
True, relationships are geared towards the combined efforts of a joint team, but you know as well as I do, that dogs don't hunt!
It's not about getting the upper hand, or even being first. It is total all in all warfare when it comes to relationships involving men and women for superior rights of one-up-ness. This is empowerment at it's best.
Men have their ideas about relationships and of course women have the ideal answer as to what those ideas should be and who owns the rights to them. Now we all shoot for the same goal on this team...to score the big points in the game of everyday life.
It's bad enough one would tend to describe any relationships in sports terms or metaphors. Take bowling or baseball for example...men and women's relationships are in a league of their own.
Did I come up with that just because both the games have strikes? Well, you have to admit it would work because these are the opposites that attract.
Relationships in bowling are that strikes are good for points...in baseball not so good...well that would depend on if you're giving strikes or getting strikes. Oh wow, another decision make that will no doubt cause splits!
We're a of a generation that teaches the younger kids these days that points don't matter and that all sports are team events and being on the team is the winning venture.
Kind of ruins the relationship of having something greater to strive for, but that's just my opinion...and we all know about opinions.
Maybe I should run for office or something.
Anyways, relationships are built, forged and maintained in successful marriages on love, trust and security as well as playing nice together. Sharing the many responsibilities as head of whichever department has it' advantages. Like, making the money to sustain the household and making the decisions as to what that money covers in terms of food, shelter and clothing. A win-win for all concerned when it works in harmony.
Because it's a very different game in each household, the pairings that pit husband and wife sometimes against each other makes for some very interesting sports trivia.
Remember when he called an audible and said he was going out with the boys and if she didn't like it she could just lump it?
Well she did...and as I understand it according to the doctors, the swelling should be down enough tomorrow for him to be able to see out of at least one of his eyes.
Relationships are a joy to behold. Men and women contribute so very much to one another. It's the essence of married life, successful marriages, relief of stress and finances and then finding what will ultimately turn out to be your best friend.
And isn't that what you want out of life, a player on your team that can bring you home on a sacrifice fly...or make a pass right down the middle for a touchdown...volley for your affections in an endless match...or one that tees off and lands on the green without teeing you off.
Of course there's always the concession stand.
In all good and lasting relationships, take the time to get a hot dog and just enjoy the game.
Concessions are always good.
A Friend in Business...and Life...Always,
-Lon-

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The Consequences of the Drama-Filled Lifestyle

Are you living life to your greatest potential? If so, you are living the life that you were created to enjoy. If not, you should be evaluating everything about your life, including you the person, your relationships, your environment, what you are doing to achieve your greatest potential, and those things you may be doing that are preventing you from living the kind of life you desire. Evaluation is necessary in order to prepare and position you to start pursuing and claiming the optimum human experience that every human being is entitled to enjoy. In order to pursue, claim, and enjoy anything in life, you must identify those road blocks that may be restrictive or prohibitive. In order to identify these road blocks, you must have vision. If you cannot clearly see the path to the enjoyable life that you desire, you will continue to stumble around aimlessly wanting to enjoy a certain lifestyle, but never achieving this particular goal. One of the most crippling impediments that prevent people from achieving their goal of enjoying a power-packed, purposeful, and fulfilling life is the chaotic/drama-filled lifestyle. The drama-filled lifestyle, over a period of time, will drain the very life out of those people who allow drama to rule their personal journeys. Yet, it is not unusual for people to confuse the excitement they seek in living a fulfilling and enjoyable life, with the drama that sucks the life out of them, as well as their relationships.In case you think drama is exciting, you should be aware of some descriptions of the drama-filled relationship. Then consider how the following descriptors could be roadblocks that are keeping you from getting optimal enjoyment out of life:
• Addictive
• Exhaustive
• Victimizing
• Unstable
• Emotional chaos
• Co-dependency
• Erratic
• Irrational
• Deadly
Toxic relationships are "Sick Attachments" and one of the dominant ingredients in sick attachments is "drama". In order to fully understand the devastation of the drama-filled relationship, a person should be knowledgeable about the truths and myths when it comes to drama, and how drama affects relationships. You may wonder why I've attached relationships to the optimum living experience, so let me explain. Since our relationships revolve around everything that goes on in our lives, it is important to understand the outcome when drama affects every part of our lives. While drama can be defined as excitement, it is critical to reject the notion that "drama" in the negative context should have a place anywhere in the abundant lifestyle.
When an individual embraces and accepts drama into his or her personal life, he or she can be certain that it will eventually spill over into other parts of his or her life. Drama left unchecked will not be contained. For example, when personal drama spills over into an individual's professional life, and it becomes governed by chaos, focus is lost; mistakes are made (unnecessary and/or minor errors, as well as colossal oversights); excessive absenteeism becomes a problem preventing the timely completion of projects, if at all; excessive personal telephone calls are distracting to the workplace and become a problem; or the person whose lifestyle is dominated by drama may become erratic in his or her attempts to hide the drama. This person wants to be viewed by his or her employer in a certain way (e.g. held in high regard) and is embarrassed when those in authority become knowledgeable about their drama-filled lifestyles. Once personal drama starts to affect job performance, regardless of skill set or talent that may have been of value to the employer in the past, the current poor performance that is the result of the drama-filled lifestyle now has the employee viewed as incompetent. In most workplace cultures, compensation is based on performance. So once personal drama takes a toll on job performance, it directly affects income. When considering employees for advancement opportunities, employers want people who will represent them well.
They want to be assured that those who are promoted will handle pressure well; they will come to work on a regular basis and will not frequently call in for unscheduled days off; and that they (the employer) have entrusted valuable assignments to people who are focused, pay attention to detail, and will deliver peak performance. The drama that an individual brings into the workplace can lead to demotion and/or dismissal. There are countless stories of careers destroyed, homes lost, family and friends lost because of drama-filled relationships that wind up in divorce, a break-up of a relationship, or some other adverse life-changing experience.
The individual who attempts to seek solace in a place of worship, but again, leaves the drama-filled lifestyle unchecked, will find that the chaotic spirit spills over into attempts at spiritual relationships. The very nature of chaos is antithetical to the nature of spirituality, which is peaceful, harmonious, loving, and religious. Those people who allow drama to impact their attempts to connect with the Higher Power of their understanding usually suffer from continued discontentment or torment; the inner peace they so desperately seek continues to be elusive; and a connection with other people at their place of worship is impossible because others who value spirituality will not want to be connected with the toxicity of drama.
When drama rules your life, it prohibits you from having relationships with balanced people, people who refuse to embrace any type of negativity. Men and women who are not accustomed to drama, who were not brought up in drama-filled environments have no stomach or patience for it. You may be an attractive man or woman; you may be a man or woman who is financially well off; you may be the man or woman who offers excitement in some form. However, the individual who values peace, tranquility and balance in a relationship is capable of overlooking those things (e.g. physical attraction, finances, etc.) that the drama king or drama queen believes secures a substantive and lasting relationship.
We must learn to distinguish healthy loving relationships from toxic relationships or any element of a toxic relationship. The distinction makes all the difference in the world, and the distinction may wind up being the difference between life and death. Pay attention to even the smallest elements of a toxic relationship because as they accumulate, they eventually wind up becoming a mass of destruction and confusion that is capable of taking out the most stable-minded, able-bodied man or woman. Drama may have your adrenaline going for a period of time, but eventually it will eat away at you, your character, and your reputation. It will deny you of healthy loving relationships. Have you ever met or heard of someone who was proud of a legacy of drama? I doubt it because there is no honor in being a drama queen or drama king.
When you refuse to give into drama; when you refuse to let others draw you into their drama, you are exerting power. When you feel empowered, you feel good about who you are. When you are empowered, you are capable of controlling certain outcomes. When you are in control, you are at peace; your voice is the voice of calm and reason. On the other hand, in most cases, when the drama is over, someone is left to feel inferior, not loved, taken for granted, victimized, misused or abused in some way. When you take the time to exercise critical thinking rather than falling for the drama, you are taking control over your life and your environment. Those around you know when you are in control of your life; when you walk in power; what you will accept and what you will reject. In return, they respond to you with something called "Respect". Now that you are drama-free, well-respected, empowered, and have the vision necessary, every part of your life is aligned to reach its greatest potential.
Pamela Reaves November 23, 2011
Pam Reaves is the Founder and CEO of NELLA LLC, a Maryland limited liability company. She is a Certified Professional Coach, with concentrations in Motivational Coaching and Relationship Coaching. Pam is trained to coach clients in their pursuits of healthy, happy and powerful human experiences. Pam is also the author of the thought-provoking and powerful book, "Is It Love...Or Merely a Sick Attachment?" "Is It Love..." is published by Tate Publishing & Enterprises and has been well-received by readers as far away as Africa and Australia. Individuals of all ages, ethnic backgrounds and social status agree "Is It Love..." is a pager turner that offers a fresh perspective on the devastating difference between loving relationships and toxic relationships. Pam holds a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management and has over 30 years experience in working and thriving in diverse corporate cultures in the areas of human resource, labor relations, finance, legal, and real estate. Learn more about Pam Reaves at http://www.pamreavesnellallc.com/.

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