The Wonders of Physical Intimacy

Intimacy is a surprisingly spiritual quality known to the best of relationships. It can be thought as spiritual because there is an invisible power known to it, by the portion of blessing we receive from it when our relationships have closeness.But what is powerful, so far as relational reward is concerned, is also enigmatic - we can become increasingly frustrated by the lack of intimacy, yet the harder we try (like restraining happiness) the more it evades us.
Intimacy, like happiness, can be a slippery thing.
There are two perceivable ways we can enjoy more intimacy: either if we work at a mental and emotional level on our relationships or if we create opportunities through physicality. Physical intimacy may often, and more tangibly, augment the deeper spiritual intimacy with our partners.

Employing Physical Intimacy
It could be said, because I'm a man, that physical intimacy is simply about more or better sex - it's not only far more than that, it's not even about that.
Employing physical intimacy as a way of enjoying more of a holistic intimacy we yearn for is doing simple things to ensure closeness - whether by more frequent and intense eye contact, holding hands, or hugging, or even standing close with one another whether we are engaged in conversation or not. Most tasks can be done to increase physical intimacy by better timing - to do them together, by intentional incidental contact.
Employing physical intimacy to feel closer to our mate is so simple we might neglect it as promising little worth the effort. But the simplicity involved in making the extra effort, even in doing innocuous physical things, is richly rewarded, even on a spiritual plane - to the warranting of the surprise factor; being caught by our partner doing something right!
Little things make big differences so far as intimacy is concerned, and a physical manifestation of such intimacy is all the more visible. Why would we not do it more often?

The Greater Blessings of a General Intimacy
Intimacy might be thought of as the pinnacle of romantic relationships, besides commitment that ensures safety and security, and passion which ever-strengthens our emotional and physical ties.
The wonders of physical intimacy are such that they make intimacy more poignant, so relevant, and ever front-of-mind. Such a thing ignites the more general, felt-on-the-inside intimacy.
Closeness, which is what is felt within intimacy, is what both committed partners' desire most and above all, because, besides the commitment that is already implied, closeness is a base upon which romantic or compassionate satisfaction is built, restored, and honed.
***
Enjoying good times and getting through more stodgy times suggests a foundation of intimacy is required. Such intangible things as trust and closeness need the support of a tangible physical intimacy - the spark to new levels of marital contentment.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com/

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The Chivalry of Ducks: Can Men Learn a Lesson? Can Women?

I live on the north side of Dallas, Texas. Those of you who are familiar with that part of the city know there's a lake called Bachman Lake by Love Field airport. It's awesome. It's three miles in circumference and a lot of fun to walk, run, or bike around. Well, this evening I walked around the lake watching the ducks. I love watching the ducks. I'm a little obsessed with the ducks. But, hey, they make the journey more exciting. There are a ton of them. Well, a ton of birds, really. I'm not a bird expert or a duck expert so I can't really tell you what types live there, you'll just have to trust me that there are ducks at Bachman Lake...that much I do know.This evening as I strolled, I noticed the cutest thing. It's been raining a lot here lately and there were plenty of places around the lake where water stood in the middle of the track. One flooded place in particular covered quite a stretch of track. I refused to go to higher ground (that wet track wasn't gonna lick me, by golly), so I chose instead to walk on the narrow concrete ledge flanking the track. Not the smartest thing, but it felt like being back in grade school again when the teacher made you walk a straight line on something that looked like a beam in the ground so she could test your balance. Anyway, so I was walking on the beam, minding my own business, when I happened upon a group of ducks. School? Herd? Flock? Whatever, there were more than two of them. In fact, there were two males, two females, and five babies. And, yes, I might not know what type of ducks they were, but I could tell by their markings which ones were male and which were female. (No, sicko, I looked at the markings on their heads and backs! Geez, what do you think I do at that lake?) As I watched, they came upon a place where they wanted to cross the track to the other side. (Why did the ducks cross the track?) To my amazement, the male ducks stood on top of the concrete and watched as the female ducks and the babies crossed in front of them. Out of deference for their chivalry, I stopped some feet back and waited until the females and babies crossed and, finally, the males followed.
Wow, I couldn't help but think about this as I continued along my journey. And then, because I'm an observer of behavior - animal and human - I couldn't help but compare the duck way of life to what I saw from the humans at the lake. I can tell you, I didn't see much chivalry. In fact, my favorite human male move is the let-your-girlfriend/wife/lover/wanna-have-her-as-your-lover/whatever-walk-in-front-of-you-while-you-check-out-every-other-woman move. Love it! Talk about disrespectful. Or the have-your-arm-around-your-whatever-and-while-she's-looking-down/away/at your chest-check-out-every-other-woman-over-her-head move. That's right, ladies, I figured out why men like to date shorter women. It has nothing to do with dancing or doing the hibidy-bibidy, it's so they can incorporate move number two.
So, I continued on my own silent rant about men and how there are no good ones left and where did all the cowboys go, when it hit me. One thing I didn't see the female ducks do was turn around and yell at their mates. I didn't hear them say, "What makes you think I need you to stand there while I walk across this track. I walked across tracks long before you came into my life and I'll walk across tracks long after you're out of my life. I am a DUCK, a FEMALE DUCK, hear me QUACK. I don't need you to watch my back or be my guardian. I had one father in my life (God rest his soul) - I certainly don't need another one. Besides, you really think you're duck enough to watch over me? Puhleaze... What have you done in your life anyway? You're certainly not the BIGGEST duck, you're not even as big as the last duck I was with. Now that was a DUCK. That duck was fine, he treated me so good. He wouldn't have disrespected me by pretending to watch my back when he really just wanted to watch my ass. You think you're so tough, you should try being female. I didn't see you squeeze out any eggs...quack, quack, quack." Nope, I didn't hear any of that - maybe because it wasn't said or maybe because I don't understand duckese. I don't know.
So, I continued my jaunt around Bachman Lake, pondering my little conundrum. I came to the conclusion that this was much like the duck-egg theory. Which came first? Did men stop being chivalrous before or after women started emasculating them for it? I'm sure a duck's life isn't perfect (that whole laying eggs thing seems kind of like a drag), but I wonder if we can't learn a small lesson from Duckville...all of us.
TonyaDawn.com
Tonya Dawn's heart and soul lie in two things: her family and her passion to change the world. She and her husband, Justin, founded TJ Recla. Her vision is to "Change the World by Redefining POWER."
Using their academic achievements and years of counterintelligence experience, they built a company that provides vital information for individual and organizational success.
Tonya's books, The 3-Day Abundance Challenge and WAR: The Ultimate Guide to Personal Power and Safety, provide practical, easy-to-use tools and are an essential read for anyone who wants POWERful, positive change.
From her experience as an Army soldier and US government spy-catching counterintelligence agent, Tonya delivers POWERful cognitive, emotional and physical tips.
Tonya's campaign "Live in the Pink!" is her testament to living life in awareness and harnessing the POWER in each moment.
Don't miss an opportunity to hear her story and take advantage of the training she designed to help individuals declare WAR on their fears and Live in the Pink!

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Let the Stronger Sex Be Revealed - You Choose

Gender significance and gender function as it relates to family, community and personal responsibility has been, in many circles a topic that evokes deep discussion and review; often unfettered and unfiltered. This conversation has been visited and re-visited, in town halls and great cathedrals; in bed rooms and bar rooms; at work or at play over many centuries, in many cultures, during many events of great magnitude, or small events of little importance. It has captivated the imagination of us all, with responses emotional in style and substance. There is not one person of legal age who has no opinion on this topic.The social science community has examined and re-examined this topic since "big bang" went boom, pardon the hyperbole. Theories have been developed and redeveloped, debunked and lauded, debated and discarded, but most have taken a position in one of three sociological perspectives: functionalism, conflict theory, or interactionism.
A functionalist point of view embodies, in a practical sense, human kind in tune to, or at odds with the elements of nature. The need to survive when faced with the harsh realities of nature's forces that define the struggle, allowed the logical evolution of each gender's biological strength to blossom. Men hunted as the possibility of danger and death loomed over head; women nurtured their offspring to help maintain the species. These defined roles worked well in reference to what was indeed necessary.
However, conflict theorist further refined and stratified the roles once it was clearly established that "power concedes nothing." Men were considered the stronger of the sexes and by way of natural progression should lead by virtue of that fact. By establishing "the pecking order" as defined by the stronger sex (men) ensured that dominance. The power to design and interpret the direction of the family and, by extension the community, was secured, sanctioned and ultimately valued as a guarded function of said gender. Thus maintaining the status quo became the top priority.
Consequently, as socialization within and between the sexes evolved so did the roles of the sexes. The interactionism theory explained this phenomenon in the following manner. Levels of detailed stratification were taught to youngsters by adults, and when appropriately, understood to each other. All were encouraged to internalize, adapt and live by these responsibilities. The solidification of these gender roles was critical to cultural competency. The need to purposely commune and interact as the sex roles outlined, relative to the aforementioned description, provided the means by which the community grew and evolved. Based on my interpretation and non-scientific observation, this may have helped to establish institutional sexism.
The above theories seem to have a complementary relationship. The first complements the second, the second complements the third. The reciprocal may not however hold true. Given the evolution of the populous, expansive evaluation of social interconnection and formal observation inevitably followed. All offered a significant contribution when needed. Each theory sought to galvanize and reinforce the controlling position developed, defined, and promoted by the stronger of the two, men. This of course under scores the premise that enhances and highlights inequality of the sexes.
Nurture or nature: The question of comfort, tolerance and which is most functional in western civilization invites a reasonable discussion on androgyny. If roles are so profoundly defined, categorized, and labeled, is then the observation that women are more at ease with both male and female characteristics an inevitable one? Men essential have designed the gender roles to fulfill and accommodate their power and solidify their control. By encouraging everyone to accept a basic premise, they established a superior and inferior dichotomy that is difficult to refute or overcome. Hence, the fundamental design of the socialization process deeply contributed to the development of attitudes encouraged by it. Females became the nurturing providers, expected to be tolerant, loving and supportive. Men were expected to meet goals and objectives, be less tolerant and forgiving; and above all abhor weakness and failure. If one were a male, one would be expected to engender all characteristics attributable to that status. Having female tendencies is not considered a male characteristic. Thus displaying such invites ridicule and disdain. In contrast, females were programmed to accept, what herein is considered a flaw in the human genome. So tolerance, love and acceptance would be expected and observed.

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The Bratty Girlfriend

"What!" I said as I was barely able take in what I was hearing, "Your girlfriend got tasered by a police officer for asking to use the bathroom?" I was never a big fan of police brutality, and in many cases I feel that the police men are out of line, but this time I wasn't so sure because I knew this girl.Our buddy started dating her couple of years earlier, so we began spending more and more time with her like any couple would when one of their single friends finds a new mate. Our friend was the flashy salesman type, although he would talk your ear off denying that he was anything like his piers, it was obvious to anyone that would listen he didn't fall very far from the tree. So it was no surprise to us when he started dating a flashy pretty blond with the occasional attitude.
It is a funny dynamic when you get older that you don't necessarily make friends on your own, you make friends as a couple. If I was going to be friends with someone, my wife better like them or I am naturally not going to spend that much time with them. It is similar when my wife makes a new friend. We do not lord over each other waving a control wand; we just really enjoy being together so if we are going to bring someone or a new group into our mix, we want it to be comfortable for everyone. With kids now this dynamic gets even more complicated.
Most of our friends these days come as a pair, so we have to accept them as a pair. In some cases the significant other makes the friend that much better to hang around, and other times the significant other is the reason we do not spend any more time with these friends. The funny thing is that I am sure my wife and I have had the same effect on others that we do not see anymore, especially when a soft-spoken open minded-girl like my wife ended up dating then marrying an outspoken type A guy like me. Either way in this case we accepted our friend for who he was, so we accepted his new girlfriend for whom she was. Even if it appeared on the outside like they made each other miserable it was not our position to say anything.
As time passed and we retold the story to other friends they often reacted the same way we did when we first found out, "What, are you kidding me? She is only like 110 lbs, why would a police officer use such force?" Then to be fair and not leave out a very important part of the equation we would say, "Well you see, this girl in particular is rather opinionated", which was our nice way of saying, "a brat." What we didn't have to say because it is pretty much common knowledge is that when a little bratty girl grows into a woman, calling them a brat is just a nice way of saying, "Well this girl is pretty much a Bit*h if she doesn't get her way."
The problem with having a belief template that is not open to being wrong or having the ability to be corrected is you become a victim of blind certainty which is a close mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn't even know that they are locked up. This is similar to a religious fundamentalist that feels that their understanding of the scriptures is the only accurate interpretation. Individuals with blind certainty have closed their mind from accepting any other interpretation than their own. When they feel that their belief system is threatened either by their own conscious or social surroundings they become defensive, irritable and cruel. Acting in a similar manner to that of a spoiled toddler that can't understand why they have to share the toys with others kids in the room.
We found out later that on this afternoon when she got tasered by the police officer she was attempting to re-enter an establishment that she had just left to use the bathroom. Which I think everyone can agree that there is nothing wrong with this. The problem was that the restaurant was at full capacity with a line outside so they were not letting anyone in. The doorman had no way of knowing if she had left the building or not, and it didn't really matter he was just following the rules. In a normal circumstance you can ask nicely and the problem is solved or you move on. However, if you go through your life with a sense of entitlement and opinions derived from a belief template that you can't keep to yourself, strange things can occur. Police officers are called in, they feel threatened or are in no mood to put up with your bantering, next thing you know they are making an example out of you and you're the one getting hauled off to the police station with an irregular heart beat and a bruise on your arm from a taser because you didn't know that sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut.
It was no surprise that she ranted and raved to anyone that would listen to her about how wrong the police officer was and how she was the victim. In her mind and according to her belief system she was the victim. She was unable find an attorney that would take her case to court; after meeting her, reading the police report and testimonies from eye witnesses they all advised her to plea guilty in attempt to avoid facing a jury.
Ricky Coburn is a regular contributor to http://thatsmeinsideyourhead.com/ a collection of short stories and poems for his children, and http://puravidaculture.com/ a personal blog about family life and sustainability.

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Relationship Counseling - Why Women Discuss Undesirable News

Something about women that seriously leaves men scratching their heads: their strong ability to discuss terrible news. This is seen by numerous males as absurd and they often take exception to this sort of conduct.Men view this type of sharing as essentially dangerous to both them and their family members. Males attempt to protect against this sort of conduct because they worry about being rejected for having a lack of competence.
For a lot of men, the sharing of awful news with individuals who they're in a close relationship with is an admission of failure, or inability to conquer stumbling-blocks. As you could have already discovered, women normally view this type of scenario from a very different standpoint.
The majority of women reveal bad news not for the intent of relishing it, but for the aim of relating intimately with one other individual. The process of talking about the undesirable news allows them to be seen and thus to get rid of feelings of isolation. A good counselor will tell you that a woman's capability to get rid of feelings of isolation is very important to her overall health and wellbeing, which permeates all components of her life.
Women reveal terrible news because from their point of view, it's lots better than not talking about any news at all. The drawback occurs when they get started on discussing poor news with their man and he fails to know what she is hoping to achieve. Men generally think that the women are whining to them and that they need to do something to deal with the predicament.
If a man is weary, then he may mistakenly assume his wife is protesting and complaining over what sort of a job he is doing as a partner. Now, he is liable to get defensive and will pull back and distance himself from his wife. When this occurs, the circumstance can decline right away for the husband and wife; where they wind up accusing each other of bad behaviour.
The woman's goal was to relate to her life partner and the subject matter is often secondary: a mean's to an end. From the man's standpoint, the subject matter being talked about is of utmost significance, not actually the process of relating with his better half. He is trying to make a connection with her by helping her resolve an issue. This is how he has been conditioned to see his significance in the world: as a problem solver.
Men foolishly assume that the problem women are trying to fix is rooted in the subject they have talked about, but that is usually not the way it is. Women are typically using a certain subject, in this case: terrible news, as a way to create intimacy with their mate.
Chris Keenan is the founder of Easy Relationship Help. They provide a low cost alternative to traditional counselling. Their no risk approach to relationship help makes it straightforward for folks to secure the marriage counselling aid they want. "Why be all alone when you don't have to?"

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When Does Depression After Break Up End?

As a recently single person, depression is a natural response to an emotionally traumatic break up. But there is no magic button you can push to stop having depression after break up. For most people, it's really a matter of time because with time, the emotional scars will heal.Yet, are you like other people? Is your depression not going away? Has it been long enough? Will you ever get over your ex? Here you can find help in dealing with being depressed after a break up.
Being depressed is quite normal. Everyone suffers from depression every so often for one reason or another. Many people don't want to go through the process of working through depression because it takes too long to move through it, especially when they are depressed because of a break up. As a result, millions of people seek professional help and ask for prescription medicines to get rid of the break up blues.
In fact, depression is big business for pharmaceutical companies. According to the Journal of Clinical Psychology, about 10% of the U.S. population takes anti-depressants. Amazingly, about 25% of those taking anti-depressant medication have never been diagnosed with a major psychological disorder. But let's put all that aside. You are depressed and need to know how to deal with depression after break up. You want to know if you depression is healthy and if it will pass sooner rather than later. So, here are some keys to knowing if your break up depression is normal.
At this point, it is probably better to characterize your depression as grief or sadness. Depression after break up is part of the grieving process. When you break up with someone you suffer from a pain of loss. You are sad and want to stop feeling so bad all the time. The Kubler-Ross model of the 5 stages of grief is an excellent guide to help you know if you are experiencing normal depression after break up or if you might need to seek further assistance.
1. Denial
You feel as if the break up can't possibly be happening. It's as if you are having a bad dream and want to wake up. Oftentimes, you might wake up in the morning actually believing that your break up never happened, but then you realize it's really true!
2. Anger
Once you accept that you are broken up, you are likely to become angry and perhaps lash out at your ex. Also, you might be experiencing a heightened sense of annoyance where every little thing that goes wrong causes you to become more angry than usual.
3. Bargaining
Now you begin to think you can cut deals after your break up. You try to convince your ex that you will change. You make promises you can't possibly keep to get your ex to come back.
4. Depression
Break up depression causes you to turn inside yourself and wonder about the futility of doing much of anything. You are completely unmotivated and sometimes feel as if you are on cruise control. It is often difficult to try to by-pass or shorten this stage of grieving. It must be worked out over a reasonable period of time.
5. Acceptance
At this point you have come to terms with your break up. Sure, you still might feel a bit melancholy from time to time, but those episodes are less frequent and less intense. You start having a zest for life once again and feel as if you have broken free from the chains of being depressed after a break up.
It is important to note that your grieving and depression process as a result of breaking up will not necessarily follow the above stages exactly. There is overlap and blurring from one stage to the next. What is important is that you allow yourself to go through this process.
How long should the process last? It depends upon the intensity of your relationship. If you were married for 20 years and broke up, then I would suspect you will be dealing with various aspects of depression and grief for a very long time, if not your entire lifetime. However, depression that results from a break up should really not last more than a couple weeks. Any depression that lasts longer should be treated by a mental health professional.
Find out why you should not write a letter to get your ex back even if you don't know what else to do.

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What Do You Want From Your Relationships?

We know that solid and meaningful relationships are critical to our happiness and success. The connectedness we experience with others provides comfort when we need it; intellectual stimulation when we want it; and reciprocity of love when we share it. It allows us to get our needs met and to meet the needs of others.Our interactions as social beings can also do much to nurture our psychological wellness. The quality and nature of the interactions we have with others can affect how much anger and stress we carry around with us, and it is commonly understood that the more quality relationships we have in our later years the less prone to depression we are likely to be.
We're all in this thing together and we need one another: humans are social animals. When we develop the relationships in our lives we become filled with abundance and prosperity. And the further we branch out of our small troupes to connect with others in meaningful way, the better off we all are.
But a wider circle of connectedness begins with strengthening the connections in our immediate environment. And even before that it starts with an understanding of our needs...
What exactly do you want from your relationships? What are your goals?
• Do you want to strengthen the existing connections in your home or work life? Or maybe just one or two in particular?
• Do you want to be more effective at getting along with others in general? Or just have more quality people in your life?
• Do you want to expand your social circle for personal and/or business reasons? Or do you just want to overcome your shyness?
And why do you want these things?
• To experience more enjoyment in your life?
• To shield yourself from feelings of loneliness?
• To foster greater levels of confidence?
The list could go on with any number of reasons, but I ask these questions to help you begin to get really clear about the 'whats' and 'whys'. The clearer you can be about your purposes, the stronger your intentions - and the more likely it is that change will happen.
So decide what it is you'd like to accomplish with your relationships, and why. And choose a specific target. Decide what the ideal outcome for this relationship (or set of relationships) would look like, and start to think about ways to make it happen!
Chris Hammer, Ph.D. is a certified professional coach and licensed psychologist. He offers leadership and life coaching services, as well as various self-development tools for people who are passionate about reaching higher levels of success and becoming the best they can be.
Get your free ebook on Great Communication at http://www.mycoachingbooks.com/

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Why She Is Looking For a Father Figure

I grew up so hungry for a father's love. I wanted his attention oh so bad, and so, I looked for this love from someone else... so goes the first few lines of a song I've written a year ago about my testimony. If I were to trace back where my being wayward began, I can trace it back to the void I had inside of me for a father's love. It's not that my father didn't love me, and it's not that he was not physically there. I was his firstborn. I took after him in a lot of ways. I knew he was proud of me. Yet, he never expressed it. That non-expression of his love was no different from not feeling loved at all. Love has to be expressed and not kept.This longingness for a father's love made me so vulnerable to any kind of attention that men gave me, making me an easy prey for their lustful desires. As I grew older, I became more attracted to much older men. They represented the father that I've always wanted to have... the father who cares for me... the father who loves me... the father who protects me. Unfortunately, they were not my father and will never be.
My hunger for a father's love got me pregnant and married at the age of 19, a marriage that was solely on paper, a marriage that lasted for 10 years, a marriage that left me more bruised and wounded, a marriage that made me ask "why"... "why can't I just have love?"
It is this search for love that has led to women's downfalls. This love was placed inside our hearts by our Creator. It was meant to be fulfilled, which is why we keep searching for it until we get it. Since the first man in any girl's life is her father, the absence of this love during those growing up years will leave a big void in her heart. She will continue searching for it only to realize that she is searching in vain.
Those who have been deprived of love are the ones who get so hungry for love, yet they don't even know what love is because they have not experienced it. They are searching in vain because they don't know what they are looking for. They jump from one relationship to the next only to end back to square one. This was my story... a story that led to my discovery of what love is all about.
A day came when I got so sick and tired of my relationships. I cried before God and told Him how exhausted I was. He heard my serious cry for help. Not long after, he sent me a man of God who led me to Jesus. Thus was the beginning of my love story.
Let me share with you several verses from Ezekiel 16 that really spoke to me, as if God wrote it just for me.
5No eye pitied you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you; but you were cast out in the open field, for your person was abhorrent and loathsome on the day that you were born.
6And when I passed by you and saw you rolling about in your blood, I said to you in your blood, Live! Yes, I said to you still in your natal blood, Live!
7I caused you to multiply as the bud which grows in the field, and you increased and became tall and you came to full maidenhood and beauty; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown, yet you were naked and bare.
8Now I passed by you again and looked upon you; behold, you were maturing and at the time for love, and I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I plighted My troth to you and entered into a covenant with you, says the Lord, and you became Mine.
9Then I washed you with water; yes, I thoroughly washed away your [clinging] blood from you and I anointed you with oil.
I cried tears of joy when I first read this in my Bible. That's when I started feeling the intense love of the Savior for me. It made me hungrier for His love which made me draw closer to Him. I started reading His love letters... the Word of God... the Bible... and I started understanding what love is all about.
Matthew 22:37-39 says...
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
It all starts with loving God. Or better yet, it all starts by God loving us. 1 John 4:19 says: We love because He first loved us. It was only when I began to receive God's love that I learned to love Him back. And this love that I have for God allowed me to love myself and others. I didn't love myself then because I didn't know love. I didn't know love because I didn't have love. I didn't have love because I didn't have God.
When I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior and made that decision to commit my life to Him, I received His love. This love opened doors to healing and deliverance for me. It pacified my restless heart. It taught me how to give love the right way.
The absence of an earthly figure in my life led me to a journey of finding that love, which led me to the source of Love, God, who is Love Himself. Now I can say that I have indeed found not only a father figure but my true love.
I started this article with an excerpt of my song, now let me end it with a poem I wrote entitled TRUE LOVE.
Love...
A word that cuts across race, generation, religion, and culture...
A concept that confounds even the wisest man on this planet...
A feeling that makes even the strongest and bravest man so vulnerable...
An encounter that distracts even the most focused and disciplined person...
An experience that is unavoidable even if we try to run away from it...
A pang on the chest that makes us laugh and cry at the same time...
There is something about love that has a sting to it... a lingering effect... an addictive substance... a magnetizing power.
No one can ever close her doors on love.
When it comes, it comes.
No one can ever deny her need for love.
Why? Because God created us out of love.
He is LOVE Himself.
And therefore, we are "love" beings - with a great need to love and be loved.
Apart from LOVE, we will never experience love the way it was designed.
The more we fall in love with LOVE, the more we experience love.
Lisa Maki is the founder of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women whose mission is to is to provide a place where women can learn to manage their emotions, experience healing, receive love and acceptance, be free to be who God made them to be, and be the best they can be in their homes, schools, professions, relationships, and calling, through sharing of insights and experiences, counseling, prayer, and devotionals, thereby learning from and supporting each other.
For more of Lisa's articles, visit http://godzgurlz.com/

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Love Compatibility - Am I Compatible With My Partner?

One of the main reasons why a lot of relationships fail is incompatibility. A lot of men and women rush into relationships without even making the effort to examine if they are compatible with their partners or not. Compatibility does not necessarily require for you and your partner to be exactly alike, but it's more of being able to complement each other well. Read on and learn about the signs and factors that can determine if you are compatible with your partner or not.1. Effortless communication. Communication is a very important factor to a healthy relationship. Compatible partners will find it very easy to talk to each other, no matter what the subject. Compatible couples also have that urge to share their thoughts to their partner simply because they feel at ease and well-accepted.
2. Comfortable silence. Some experts say that one way of testing compatibility between partners is their ability to feel comfortable and be in synch with each other even without talking.
3. You feel at ease with your partner's presence. There are some couples who may start to feel irritated when their partner is around. Although this sign may not come at the early stage of the relationship, this is a huge symptom of incompatibility between long-time partners.
4. You feel at ease with your partner's family and friends. Your family and friends are as much a part of you as anything else. So if your partner does not blend in well with the people who are closest to, then this is a sign of rough waters ahead.
5. Compatible lifestyle. It is very important that you are happy with your partner's lifestyle as well. However, if you love the outdoors and she barely goes out of the house, this may be a possible source of disagreement.
6. Finances. This is an equally important part of a relationship. Money issues are one of the most common causes of problems between couples. Make sure that your financial statuses match as this can lead to insecurities and sources of conflict.
7. Educational attainment. The level of educational attainment may also be a source of incompatibility between partners. This is mostly because those who have the same level of education can relate much better to each other than those who don't.
8. Level of affection. There are some people who are used to showing affection in public while there are others who are totally not comfortable with the idea. This incompatibility can be a possible source of conflict as well.
9. Religious beliefs. Contrasting religious beliefs can be a huge problem in relationships, especially for partners who have a strong religious background and for those who do not want to compromise or convert.
10. Similar life goals. People with contrasting life goals simply cannot live harmoniously together. Your partner may be dreaming to be married before the year ends while you may have no plans of getting tied at all.
So always watch out for these signs of incompatibilities. If they are present in your relationship, try as best as you can to deal with them together, the soonest time possible.
Please visit our website and take love compatibility test see if your significant is compatible marriage partner. Also try many other Love Quizzes that are completely free and fun.

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Psychotherapy: Love Cures?

Sigmund Freud in writing to Carl Jung said, 'psychoanalysis is in essence a cure through love'. However, the L-word has been avoided in psychotherapy and almost avoided as a four-letter word!Nevertheless, reality presses home because 'love' has been smuggled into the counselling process using euphemisms such as 'unconditional positive regard', 'transference', 'counter-transference', 'empathic attunement', 'warmth', 'rapport', 'alliance', 'holding environment' and even 'intersubjective field'!
These euphemisms, however, are not to be entirely discounted-even if some rely more especially on being related to a particular form of therapy--for they express various features of therapeutic love.
Not romantic or erotic love: these forms of love are clearly not permitted in therapy (even though a past master of therapy, Carl Jung, became sexually involved with one of his patients who survived the ordeal to become an outstanding psychiatrist herself!). This give and take of 'love' takes place within the confines of a professional healing relationship subject to the ethical standards of the appropriate profession involved.
One way to understand the problems many clients bring to therapy is to understand them as 'love phobias' (Stephen Diamond, 2011). The client is afraid to love another and consequently afraid to be loved in return. Possibly s/he was brought up by a depressed parent who was unresponsive to her cries for attention or for holding if she were hurt. She then 'decides' not to look for love anymore because of the fear of being rejected.
Imagine such a person in a marriage or relationship that requires a flow of love between the two people in order to be an intimate relationship at all. Erich Fromm went so far as to say, that only by loving another can one be loved. Love in this context includes recognition of the uniqueness of the other and full acceptance of that uniqueness.
In this regard it is good to be reminded that Jesus Christ's recital of the greatest commandments both call for Love. First to love God with all one's being and then second to love neighbour as one's self.
But how does one love if one cannot love, if one lacks the love-ability?
We can only learn to love by being and feeling loved and therefore loveable. Despite Fromm's edict that we must love in order to be loved the New Testament has reversed this order by saying that 'we love Him [God] because he first loved us' (1 John 4.19, KJV). We were/are loved by God [first] therefore we love God!
Loving God is a foundation for loving others because others are made in the image of God. Why wouldn't we therefore love others made in His image? Still these words may be just words in an old Bible for some; and that is where psychotherapy may help. For in good psychotherapy the client receives consistent attention, support, acceptance, nurture, 'holding' and caring. The client receives 'love' from the therapist and in return usually experiences love (admiration, respect, honour, trust).
This mutual love dynamic can have a powerful effect upon the client's presenting problem, particularly if that problem is a relationship difficulty. This conclusion follows because overcoming a 'love phobia' means being more able to love and more able to be loved which are the prerequisites for an intimate relationship of quality.
Ian is a psychologist with 20 years experience in counselling and tertiary teaching. His main interest is relating the Christian faith to his vocation to assist others to better their lives. This desire means that he wants the Christian faith to inform his practice but implicitly so that he can comfortably assist all clients with their particular issues.
He provides an individual professional service as set out at http://psy-services.yolasite.com/.

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Learning to Detach

If there is one thing that persistently interferes in all relationships, both within business and our private lives, that constantly gets in the way of finding creative solutions to our problems and opportunities to progress in all manner of ways, it is the attachment we have to our own opinions. It is something I am trying to give up, but it is not that easy.As someone who genuinely does, at least try to appreciate different viewpoints, I am often slow to come to a conclusion about many things. This, I think, is part of the problem. By the time my opinion has solidified regarding some matter that I may deem to be important, I have generally also considered various other popular perspectives on the issue and come to my own decision. If someone brings up such a topic in conversation, I sometimes find myself drawn in to pointing out possibilities they may not have considered.
It is not unusual for me to hold a minority opinion and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I also don't think it is wrong to have a different opinion to someone else and I think everyone's opinion deserves respect. But frequently, in conversation, it seems that people are not as interested in exploring a topic so much as defending their own position; and, despite what I have said, I am gradually coming to the awareness that exactly the same is true of me.
Who am I to think that another person may not have considered all the same possibilities before reaching their conclusion and who am I to think that my own opinion is better formed? That is the personal development lesson that I have been trying to embrace most recently. The answer is in the principle of detachment: that all opinions and views are valid to some extent and so it is unwise to be too rigidly attached to any of them.
Even in coming to the above conclusion, I can foresee a possible difficulty. I can easily imagine some future discussion in which I might be asked to explain to my friends, perhaps at a dinner party, why I hold no fixed view on the topic being discussed, assuming I can actually manage it, of course. Then, as I attempt to explain the principle of detachment, someone else challenges my opinion on the principle of detachment itself, and tells me that it is a good thing to have an opinion on whatever it is that is being discussed.
Well, I guess I will have to come up with a strategy to deal with the challenge should it ever occur, but I am, more and more, becoming convinced that by holding all possible opinions, and simultaneously holding no opinion, I can liberate myself from the burden of defending the personal views I hold and, in the process, might save a lot of energy that could be better directed.
There was an occasion that I remember someone saying that she would never forgive the Germans for what they did in the war. Foolishly, I engaged in that conversation pointing out that the German nation had done its level best, since the war, to make amends for its past and that perhaps the time had come to forgive. The result was quite a heated conversation in which both parties exchanged frank views and neither party was persuaded that the other might have a point.
On another occasion, I can remember someone becoming quite angry that, in response to their story of a friend whose pay had been cut by her employer, I said that she should get another job. He said that this person had no choices or options available and I said that there were always choices and if the person really had no options, then the pay the employer was paying was her market worth. It may sound harsh, but it represents my view about how economies are driven by market forces. Again the atmosphere was somewhat charged and neither person appreciated the opposite point.
One final example: I remember someone expressing an opinion to the effect that science had basically disproved the Bible. Again, foolishly, I felt it was my place to point out the error in that thinking. I can't remember exactly how the discussion went, but my contribution was around my view that it is perfectly possible to come to a synthesis between the Biblical and scientific views of how we come to be here. Again, neither party was persuaded that the other had a valid point.
Now, I don't want you to get the impression that I am always going around looking to people to argue with, but these are the kind of fruitless conversations I am seeking to avoid in the future. They are both meaningless and pointless. As I said, I am sure it will be a lot easier said than done, but developing more of a detached position, even on the most contentious issues, perhaps most importantly, is something I intend to practice.
If you enjoyed this article, you will also enjoy The Inspiration Blog
Will Edwards is Founder of http://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/

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Soul Mates

Emotionally bonding with others is one of the most important aspects of our human experience in a lifetime. We create relationships based upon commonality and likeness, and strive to sustain them for as long as possible. When we bond intimately on an emotional level, we often refer to it a "soul connection" and therefore deem someone our "soul mate". Since the basis of our connection is emotional, it is difficult to tell if what we experience is truly real or lasting. Our history and the nature of our fleeting feelings can color our choices; but if we step outside of our emotional responses, taking a look at our thoughts and motives using our rational mind, we can broaden our experience and lessen our suffering through understanding what drives us."Soul Mate" is a common term we use when describing a present or perspective "true love". We refer to this individual as "the one", with much hope and anticipation in finding or having found our perfect match. A perfect match is what we find every time we commit to relationship, but rarely is it the ideal we envision.
The ideal (our dream) is a mental image we create founded on emotion. As a result, we unknowingly overlook important lessons that our soul mate is sure to provide. If we open our self to the concept that we are souls on the planet coming in contact with one another to grow and heal, this can make our soul mate union much more significant and liberating as we thwart our ideals and become open to what naturally transpires in the relationship. It can also prevent us from rushing sexual intimacy which most often creates distractions and complexities through the emergence of old patterns; as old patterns come into play within the couple, the relationship suffers as each imposes ideals and engages in raw emotional expression (a sure path of prolonged pain in an unaware state).
Aside from our ideals, our quest for a soul mate generally begins with our longing or need for love instead of our own ability to give love. When we are longing or needing love, we are at a deficit because we do not know how to manifest love from within our self. Why? We may have come from caregivers who were unable to love themselves and therefore could not render real and healthy love towards us; we may have learned codependency which reinforced an unhealthy reliance on others to provide "love" for us, not realizing we have love within; or we may have learned that love and pain are the same. Whatever has defined love for us through our experience transcends as we become more emotionally self aware.
While we are more apt to seek out our positive traits in another, we equally or more so attract the negative aspects of our self in a Soul Mate(s); this is especially true if we are engaged in the pursuit of finding what we think we are missing. Sure enough our sense of lack will produce the darker parts of our self through a person, circumstance, or an event. Conscious and clear intention to connect with our Soul Mate(s) without any expectations, promotes a more natural path to unfold.
Most of our beliefs reflect some sense of lack or deficiency. However the only deficiency in our life is our belief that we are not whole beings. This myth supported by family, culture, and/or society, perpetuates an unhealthy and unnatural dependency that simply is not real or true. Although we are interdependent as a species, we vacillate between extreme independence and codependency when we refer to Love and our Soul Mate.
"True Love" is emotional regard, respect, and reverence. In pure form, Love has no conditions, rules, or attachments; there are no hidden charges, fees, or penalties when expressed. Love is our greatest emotional reservoir of light in our human experience, only to be overcast by our shadow (our human condition based in suffering). This is the duality of our planet/nature at this time created by fear-based thought passed down from generations. Some of us will transform our own thought process by facing our self, therefore strengthening our light and Love. Only then will we attract Soul Mates who support higher levels of consciousness and join us as positive forces on the planet through the manifestation self love.
If real love can only come from self love, who is really in love? It appears very few. Each time we connect and choose to see what we want to believe in another, we sign up for another lesson. When do we decide to take responsibility for all of our choices that leave us with a "broken heart"? We are only the victim of our choices when they come from the hurt and unhealed part of our psyche; and as we truly must learn to love our self, this hopefully happens through the trials and tribulations of multiple relationships before the end of our lifetime.
Soul Mates are timeless, stemming from a belief system that we reincarnate over lifetimes in order to heal. If we resonate with this thought process, we will experience more than one being in this lifetime with whom we qualify as a Soul Mate. Depending on where we are on our journey, dictates the amount of time we spend with one particular person or even a group of people. As we evolve, our social circles change; we may depart from old friends/lovers and make new ones who align more with our present state of being. Higher levels of consciousness take precedence over the lower. So in our growing awareness, our encounters with others become more authentic and real.
Letting go is part of our practice, and progress. In letting go, we relinquish our false sense of control over everything outside of our self, and instead focus on our own emotional body. We liberate our self and others by untying the tethers of attachment. Unfettering our love ones occurs as we recognize that we move along the path in our own time; also that those we encounter along our journey are with us for an indeterminate time although the connection remains eternal. A soul mate encounter could be as brief as making eye contact with someone in a passing car, sharing a semester in school, or as long as lifetimes. There's no telling and no predicting since we are responsible for our choices that direct our course.
The path and players that we meet during our lifetime represent the many stages of our passing and evolution. If we consume our self with idealism and mainstream thought about what a soul mate "should be", we miss the reality of the moment mirrored in the people we meet and bond with at any given time (positive or negative). Opening our self to a broader view, we recognize the value of everyone in healing our self and the planet; connecting and bonding at deep levels. This creates a complete picture in its entirety and a beautiful story as well...The story of our soul in a lifetime and everyone who shares a part of their life with us.
By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2011
For more information or to discuss this topic one-on-one, contact Julia George of Aquarian Age at 561-750-9292 or email aquarianagegallery@bellsouth.net or post comments at http://blog.aquarianawareness.com/
Laura Castanza majored in Communication as a means to develop her creative expression, artistic style, and overcome interpersonal obstacles. Because of her life experience, and dedication to reaching higher levels of consciousness, she produces written works that blend both psychology and spirituality with the intention of healing of both the writer and the reader. Laura has many published works and consistently shares Universal Consciousness with all those who come in contact with her. Phone: 561.862.5055, Email: Lcastanza@yahoo.com
Shadow Worker, Julia George, began studying Jungian Psychology at the age of 12, becoming fascinated with such topics as Universal Consciousness, Intelligence, and the "Shadow". This was no childhood phase as much as it was a signal of her higher purpose. Leaving her hometown in New Jersey for the oceanic atmosphere of South Florida at age 19, Julia would experience a series of significant relationships that would lead her towards universal truth/knowledge obtained by her own personal journey through this life. Now in her 5th decade, she has fully embraced her own "Shadow" and is able to guide others safely out of their own darkness into the light. Phone: 561.750.9292, Email: aquarianagegallery@bellsouth.net.

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