Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Trap of Mediocre Relationships

We've all heard of the frog in the pot phenomenon. How a frog will leap out of hot water, but if placed in a lukewarm pot of water set on high flames, the frog will allow itself to be boiled to death. It's a gradual death, the most brutal of its kind, where you're lulled into a dull complacency that keeps you from noticing that you're slowly, but surely, ceasing to live.This is the essence of every mediocre relationship. Humans are incredibly adaptable creatures and if placed in a less-than-desirable situation long enough, we become used to it. We learn to justify it to ourselves and fall into the trap of thinking that maybe this is normal. In fact, it was meant to be this way. No relationship is perfect, right?
There's no end to the justifications we'll create for ourselves in order to avoid leaving something that has become our norm. It's often worse if there are societal pressures. Expectations from parents to settle down or a circle of friends who have all acquired significant others can convince even the most rational person to opt for the safe guarantee over the uncertainty of the dating scene. Why waste your time when you already have someone who at the very least is willing to stick around?
Yet, sustaining a mediocre relationship is just as, if not more, tiresome than going through the dating dance again. Feigning affection and interest for a partner who doesn't thrill you is draining, not to mention the mental energy expended on what if contemplations and re-convincing yourself why it's smart to stay.
And unlike the dating scene, a mediocre relationship has no hope of a fulfilling relationship at the end. At least dating, with all its disappointments and ambiguities, still contains the potential of meeting someone you would be giddy to wake up next to. With a "settling" relationship, you work just as hard just to keep it afloat when it's more than likely that it's never going to come with the reward of fulfillment.
Not to mention that staying with someone who makes you think that you're settling is unfair, both for you and the person you're staying with. Not only are you depriving yourself of the chance to meet someone who is really amazing for you, by choosing to stay with someone you don't value, you're depriving your partner the opportunity of meeting someone who would adore them.
But the best reason to extract yourself from a mediocre relationships is that they don't last. If you're missing a critical factor in the relationship - at some point, there will be irreparable ruptures in the relationship. And really, wouldn't you rather invest that time and energy into building something with someone you can't get enough of?
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