Signs You Are Obsessed With Someone

Are you obsessed with someone? It can be easy to become obsessed with someone if you feel as if they are going to make you happier, better, or more fulfilled in life. Ironically, the truth is that they are not going to be doing any of those things, you just think they are. You are the only one who can make yourself happier, better, or more fulfilled.3 Signs You Are Obsessed With Someone
1. You Miss Doing Things You HAVE To Do Because of 'The Chance'
If you are missing commitments to work, family, or friends because you are sitting around in hopes to see someone or hear from them, then you may be obsessed with someone.
Missing commitments in your life just on the chance that you might see someone or talk to someone shows that you can't miss out on that person, even if you there's the possibility you won't see them. Commitments are called commitments for a reason! They are the things you have to do to further your relationships with your family or friends, and they can also be meetings that will further you in your life. You don't want to miss commitments because you are obsessed with someone. This will just cause regrets later in life when you are no longer obsessed with that person!
2. You Miss Doing Things You WANT To Do
This is bad because you are 'pausing your life' for someone else. Life is meant to be enjoyed! There are things in life you want to do because they bring you joy and happiness. When you start missing out on things that you want to do, you are denying yourself the joy and happiness you deserve.
I have done this. Instead of hanging out with my friends (what I wanted to do) I sat by the phone hoping that a guy would call. I missed the moments with my friends, and guess what... that guy never ended up calling! This is not a rare thing to happen. Missing things you want to do is a huge sign that you are obsessed with someone.
3. Your Other Relationships Are Suffering
This is true whether you are obsessed with someone you are dating or someone you want to date. Your other relationships will start to take a back burner to your obsession and you will find that your friends and family will start to feel more distant from you. They will become second place to your obsession.
A lot of times you don't really notice this at first. You are so focused on someone else that you just forget about you other relationships for a while. But after some time you will notice that you are feeling the disconnection from your friends or family, and this is when you know that you are giving too much to that 'someone' and not enough to your relationships that were there before this 'someone'.
When you are obsessed with someone you can lose all track of yourself! Recognize the signs of being obsessed and shift your obsession to yourself instead of someone else!
Bellaisa is the owner of the Relationship Circle. a website with relationship advice for men and women.

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Trial Separation: How to Make It Work

A trial separation is a split up of a couple that is informal. It differs from legal separation in that it is an arrangement that is purely personal and does not need legal proceedings. The couple can later choose to reconcile or continue with a divorce. With a marital trial separation, both of the couple can experience some of the emotions that are associated with being separated without the final decision to divorce. Its main advantage is that it can be reversed. You can try living without your spouse for a time, go into counseling then reconcile. You can also try the setup for a time and the go on with a divorce.So is momentary separation vital factor in deciding to divorce or reconcile?
This is a tough question. The process works for some couples but it can be detrimental to others. In having major changes in your life, a new set of sentiments and emotions is supposed to spark up. When you finish college for instance, you make huge plans and dream of conquering the world. When you marry, you look forward to having a family, getting your new home and having an active participation in your community.
An entirely new set of dynamics is brought about by trial separation. It is a message to the couple that their union can be saved. It means there is hope but you need to take stock of what happened in the years that you were married. Questions such as "can our relationship be rebuilt by putting distance between ourselves" or what have we done wrong" are all very common.
With a trial separation, it means that the willingness and desire exist on the part of both couples to avoid drastic measures such as divorce. It confirms that the husband and wife are still in love with each other. The process is also a reflective examination of your conscience. It is natural for people to commit mistakes. By separating temporarily, partners will have the time think and be with their feelings and thoughts. Thus, marital trial separation is basically a chance to have an inner look and reflect on the issues and solutions that may be available for the marriage.
There are people who think that trial separations just hide a bad marriage, which cannot be saved or a superficial solution to a failed marriage. Some thinks that couples just like to avoid the huge expenses associated with a divorce so the next best thing to do is trial separation.
Separating, no matter how temporary, needs planning. The classic scene of packing and announcing "I need to leave you because I have to give time to myself" is too abrupt. Both partners should agree to the separation calmly, honestly and logically. You need to be calm because any strong emotion will affect your judgment, honestly because you need to establish whether the separation is really a good alternative to divorce and logically because communication between you and your spouse is vital in trial separation.
To know more about trial separation and how you can use it to improve your relationship, visit my site at http://www.marriagetrialseparationblog.org/

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What Does Co-Dependency Mean and Where Does It Come From?

WHAT IS CO-DEPENDENCY? Have you ever heard the term co-dependency? Most of my clients have heard the term before, but some are not really sure what it means. It refers to a syndrome that happens to people who love addicts or other dysfunctional people. It usually starts in childhood, but can happen to people who grow up in a reasonably normal family after they are grown. This article will discuss how co-dependency develops in childhood. Co-dependency is a pattern of behaviors and beliefs learned by children of dysfunctional families while they are growing up. As a child in a dysfunctional family, this can be helpful to the family and enable it to survive. However, it is very harmful to the child whom we will call "the family hero". I have thrown some new words at you, and some clarification is needed. First of all, what is a dysfunctional family? It can be defined in many ways. For this purpose a dysfunctional family consists of one or both parents who have issues that interfere with their functioning as parents and partners. Some of these issues might be alcoholism or other drug addictions, or mental disorders like bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia. So how does this affect the children? At least one of the children steps up to the plate and assumes some of the duties normally performed by a parent. This is because the dysfunctional parent is unable to consistently function in the role of a parent.This child becomes the "family hero".For example, if mom is too drunk to make dinner the hero child does it. After dinner, the other kids may need help with their homework, to be told to do their homework, to have a permission slip signed, or need someone to talk to about being bullied at school. Again, the hero child takes care of it. The more that the parent under functions, the more the hero child over functions. The other parent may need a confidante about the problems with the dysfunctional parent. Again the hero child assumes that role. Thus, some of the tasks get done, and the family survives.
How does taking on all of this adult responsibility affect the hero child? From the outside they look great. Mature beyond their years, they are responsible, want to do what is right, anticipate the needs of others and do whatever they can to please the adults in their lives. Inside, though, they are an endless sea of pain. They feel overwhelmed by multiple tasks beyond their maturity level. Since performing like an adult is impossible for children, they feel chronically inadequate. They become so busy anticipating the needs of others, that they lose their sense of self and identity in the process. They work harder and harder to keep everybody and everything under control. Since this is also impossible, the harder they work the angrier and more frustrated they feel. Of course, they do not express it, because expressing a negative feeling causes an explosion in an addicted family. Thus the hero suffers through hideous family scenes, and then everyone later behaves as if nothing happened. This is crazy-making and makes people question their judgment. Since the hero child often becomes the confidante for the other parent, the boundaries in their relationships become all mixed up.
All of these behaviors become automatic in the hero and persist into adulthood, where they cause all sorts of problems. The family hero believes that he is responsible for everybody and everything. He believes that he knows and can fix what is wrong with people. He believes that the needs of others are more important than his, and that he must help everybody who asks. His boundaries in adult relationships do not exist. Under stress, the hero over functions desperately, until he is exhausted. The next article will explain how these automatic behaviors and beliefs affect the adult family hero who we will call the co-dependent. If you feel ready, you may open the workbook and begin exercise #1. This child becomes the "family hero".
Joyce McLeod Henley is a licensed experienced masters level social worker. She has worked with a wide variety of people with a wide variety of problems for over 20 years. She graduated from Washington University in St Louis for both her undergraduate and graduate degrees. She specializes in co-dependency and all types of relationships. She is on most EAP and insurance panels

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The Trap of Mediocre Relationships

We've all heard of the frog in the pot phenomenon. How a frog will leap out of hot water, but if placed in a lukewarm pot of water set on high flames, the frog will allow itself to be boiled to death. It's a gradual death, the most brutal of its kind, where you're lulled into a dull complacency that keeps you from noticing that you're slowly, but surely, ceasing to live.This is the essence of every mediocre relationship. Humans are incredibly adaptable creatures and if placed in a less-than-desirable situation long enough, we become used to it. We learn to justify it to ourselves and fall into the trap of thinking that maybe this is normal. In fact, it was meant to be this way. No relationship is perfect, right?
There's no end to the justifications we'll create for ourselves in order to avoid leaving something that has become our norm. It's often worse if there are societal pressures. Expectations from parents to settle down or a circle of friends who have all acquired significant others can convince even the most rational person to opt for the safe guarantee over the uncertainty of the dating scene. Why waste your time when you already have someone who at the very least is willing to stick around?
Yet, sustaining a mediocre relationship is just as, if not more, tiresome than going through the dating dance again. Feigning affection and interest for a partner who doesn't thrill you is draining, not to mention the mental energy expended on what if contemplations and re-convincing yourself why it's smart to stay.
And unlike the dating scene, a mediocre relationship has no hope of a fulfilling relationship at the end. At least dating, with all its disappointments and ambiguities, still contains the potential of meeting someone you would be giddy to wake up next to. With a "settling" relationship, you work just as hard just to keep it afloat when it's more than likely that it's never going to come with the reward of fulfillment.
Not to mention that staying with someone who makes you think that you're settling is unfair, both for you and the person you're staying with. Not only are you depriving yourself of the chance to meet someone who is really amazing for you, by choosing to stay with someone you don't value, you're depriving your partner the opportunity of meeting someone who would adore them.
But the best reason to extract yourself from a mediocre relationships is that they don't last. If you're missing a critical factor in the relationship - at some point, there will be irreparable ruptures in the relationship. And really, wouldn't you rather invest that time and energy into building something with someone you can't get enough of?
Qua International is a boutique introductions agency specializing in personalized matchmaking for our busy, young professional clientele. Although we cater primarily to bi-cultured Asians, we strive to help all of our members find the perfect match. You can learn more about us at http://www.quainternational.com/.

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Whose Home for the Holidays? Simple Ways to Avoid Seasonal Conflicts With Your Partner

Holidays are supposed to be a happy time, filled with food, family and fun. It's a time of holiday music echoing through the shopping centers, spending long nights indoors with loved ones, and generally being thankful for every blessing that we've encountered in the last year. This season is meant to be the most wonderful time of the year, yet more than 80 percent of us admit that the holiday season is at least somewhat, if not very, stressful! The effort to create the perfect holiday gets to many of us, and the resulting anxiety can wreak havoc on our health and our relationships.Relationships can be especially trying during the holiday season. While we're busy attending to what can seem like a million details, we can be putting undue stress on ourselves, our partners and our relationship. Often, the holiday season is a time when everyone has their own idea about the perfect celebration, when to see family, and other priorities. It is easy to get wrapped in shopping for gifts and planning, and even easier to neglect thorough communication with our significant others. With stretched mental capacities, physical abilities, and budgets-this is the perfect time to fall into a cycle of misunderstanding and conflict.
Instead of letting the holiday stress affect you and your loved ones, take the time to evaluate yourself and the situation. Recognizing that you are stressed can help you curb any behaviors or remarks that may lead to an argument with your partner, your friends, or your family. Soothe your holiday anxiety by trying out a few of these tips to get through the season:
1. Talk to your partner. Before you set foot in a mall or dial the first number to begin planning your family's holiday trip, take the time to discuss plans thoroughly with your partner. Be sure that your plans meet everyone's needs. If you both want to celebrate the holiday with your families, now is the time to work out the details of the trips; poor planning can lead to over-booked schedules, rushed visits, and resentment during the celebration. You may decide to see one family group in November and the next in December; or, if you have enough vacation time, or family that is not too far apart, you might plan to spend the morning at one family's gather and the evening at the next. Even if you have a long-standing holiday tradition, make sure that your partner is OK with repeating it. Discussing these details with your partner will ensure that everyone is happy with the plans, and that everyone feels included in these important holiday details.
2. Host the Holidays at Your Home. Many people feel overwhelmed by the travel involved in the holiday season. Instead of worrying about catching a plane or making a long drive, invite people to come to you. This will allow you to bring many groups of people together, and can help eliminate one or two tasks from your to-do list. You might even find that hosting the celebration builds bonds between groups of relatives that haven't had the chance to get to know one another.
3. Be Realistic About Your Holiday Plans. During the holidays, we all turn into perfectionists. To make it through the season with minimal stress, you should realize your limitations and your time constraints. Take on only what you feel that you can work into your schedule, with time to spare. Remember, every holiday doesn't have to be just like the last one, and you certainly don't have to say yes to every invitation that you receive. There are only so many hours in a day, and everyone will enjoy being together so much more if those hours are not hectic, anxious affairs.
4. Write out your schedule and your budget-then stick to it! Writing out a schedule and a budget can help you manage your holiday expectations. A written schedule can help you visualize how realistic your holiday plans actually are. Be sure to schedule high priority events and tasks first; allow enough time to drive to each destination, and time to enjoy yourself. Your budget should also help you minimize holiday stress. Be sure to include gift allowance for every person, the cost of attending any holiday events, and travel expenses.
5. Set aside your differences and try to enjoy the seasonal togetherness. There will always be at least one relative or acquaintance that has the ability to rub you the wrong way. Recognize who you will be dealing with during the holiday season, and prepare yourself for the event. Accept everyone for who they are, and try to be understanding of everyone's behaviors and comments. If you have problems with a family member that you see only during the holidays, it might help to remember that they are likely dealing with holiday stress too!
6. Be prepared for conflict. Everyone is stressed, and 'tis the season for anxiety. Don't be surprised if a loved one feels a little out of control; you might feel the same way yourself. Approach situations with understanding and a sense of humor. If you and your significant other usually end up in arguments during the holidays, remember to use responsible communication methods and fight fair.
7. Seek professional help if you need it. It's not surprising that some people seek out counselors during the holidays. If the season is truly affecting your mental health-if you feel consistently sad or anxious, have problems sleeping, are irritable, or are having trouble maintaining your daily routine-consider talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. A counselor or other professional can help you gain perspective on your situation, help you manage your time and expectations, and work through your troubles to help you have a better holiday.
Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis. What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 15 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence. Visit her website at http://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/.

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Learning to Take the Time to Relax: Concerning Mental Health and Being There for Friends and Family

Over the years, I have seen people coming in to see me with all kinds of issues and concerns. Not long ago, I saw a few clients coming in with a different kind of complaint. They were not so concerned about themselves, but were worried about a dear friend or family member going through a critical illness. This particular woman stated that she wanted to be supportive for her friend, yet was concerned about being too pushy or intrusive.she just wasn't sure how to handle her involvement. First I told her how lucky her friend was to have such a kind and compassionate friend as she. Then we discussed the challenges facing a support system when someone you care about receives a life-threatening diagnosis. I thought this was a very important topic and worthy of this article.When someone gets a critical diagnosis, whatever that may be, they often go through the same stages of grief as one who is dying, even if that is not the case. Just the diagnosis itself, can create shock and disbelief. It can make the individual feel vulnerable and unsafe as well as fearful of what the future holds for them. The Kubler-Ross model, often used to describe the grieving process, states that many people go through several different stages of grief when facing death. It starts with denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. Not everyone goes through all these stages, and the order may vary, but it gives you an idea what your friend may be experiencing following his or her traumatic diagnosis or event. Even if they are not facing a terminal illness, just the shock of surviving an accident, or a serious diagnosis, can also trigger a grief reaction. While they are not grieving the loss of life, they are grieving the loss of feeling safe and invulnerable, and that can affect a person emotionally as much as the process of healing physically.
Most of us go through life with a kind of belief or attitude that if we do our job, work hard, be responsible and follow all the rules; we will stay safe and nothing too devastating will happen to us. Most believe that they only need to start worrying about degenerative diseases threatening their life once they get older and become frail. Although we all know that this is not necessarily true, it is the story most people tell themselves, a kind of universal denial in order to feel safe and powerful. So whether you get this diagnosis, or if you are in a serious accident, or you lost your house in a fire, whatever the dire situation is, it can send you into a tailspin of shock, fear, denial and depression until you come to accept the situation and learn how to deal with it.
When you are the friend, sister or cousin of this person, you may find yourself reacting on two different levels. On the one hand you may feel shocked yourself hearing about your friend, you will probably feel sad for them and worried and want to be supportive. On another level, this can bring on a lot of fear and stress for you. If you, like most, of us, have been living under the illusion that you are safe and expect to stay that way, what do you say to yourself now that your closest friend has been diagnosed with a critical illness? This can create a dilemma as on the one hand you want to be supportive and there for her, but on the other hand seeing your friend, sister or colleague shrinking in front of you, becoming depressed and vulnerable, or witnessing their reactions to the chemo, radiation, or medical visits can create so much stress and fear in your, that you may find yourself looking for any reason to avoid dealing with her and her needs. Her vulnerability reminds you that you can also become vulnerable, and who wants to be reminded of that? For this reason, you may find yourself using any excuse to avoid dealing directly with her needs. You may feel guilty but you are so paralyzed with fear and anxiety, that you feel you are more ready to deal with the guilt than walk with your friend through this mine field of anxiety and stress.
The good news is there are many ways that you can be there for your friend or family member. If you can't bring yourself to go with her to the doctor, or the hospital, you can:
- offer to watch her children so she has time to rest
- go shopping with her or for her
- take her out to a movie, to distract her
- explain to her that you are not abandoning her but the situation is bringing up a lot of stress in you and this is the best you can do for now
- ask her how she is and don't accept "fine" as a real answer
- Tell her you are so sorry that she has to go through this
- Make her a supper, so she doesn't have to cook
- Take her out for a walk
- Make phone calls for her
What not to say:
- don't tell her you know of other people surviving this illness. She doesn't care about other people. She may be still in shock or denial mode
- don't tell her to be positive. She will feel angry and think that you are minimizing her situation
- don't tell her it will be fine. You don't know that and neither does she
- don't tell her she has to be strong. She is not feeling strong right now, she feels terrified
For people facing these challenges, it's not just about the right doctor, the right physiotherapist, or treatments, it's also dealing with the emotional impact that this situation has placed on the individual. They are feeling overwhelmed, lost, scared, exhausted, depressed, and terrified. They are not fine but might say so because they know or feel that is what you want to hear. The truth is the one who needs the help is embarrassed or shy or afraid to ask you, in case you can't handle it. This is the time when you need to raise the bar, and be there for her or him. Isn't that the true meaning of friendship and family?
Rhonda Rabow, M.A.
Author's Bio Rhonda Rabow is an author and a psychotherapist living in Montreal, Quebec Canada. She has over 25 years experience counseling individuals, couples and families facing a variety of life challenges; from parenting, grief, depression, and self-esteem issues, to conflict resolution and marriage counseling. Her approach is empowerment and she accomplishes this by helping her clients find solutions to their problems and teaching them the skills and tools they need to feel back in control of their lives. She has also recently published an e-book called, "Discover the 3 secrets to living happily ever after".
http://www.helphelpmerhonda.ca/
http://www.rhondarabow.com/

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Rationalizations and Explanations You Use to Justify NOT Changing an Unsatisfying Relationship

When the fear of change withholds you from changing a relationship which is not satisfying, you might resort to rationalize and justify why you don't make any change by stating that:* You feel obligated to your partner, to his family or to members of your family.
* You live together in a rented apartment, and tell yourself you can't break the lease and rent an apartment by yourself.
* You are busy at work and convince yourself you don't have the time or energy to deal with "these kinds of issues".
* You are about to graduate and tell yourself that right now it's better to concentrate on successfully completing your degree.
* You are expecting to hear about a new job that you were interviewed for and prefer not to make any changes in your current situation until you hear if you were hired.
* You tell yourself that in your state of health it's better to wait.
On the surface, some of these rationalizations and justifications sound very logical, as this is their function. The truth is that the fear of change exerts so much power over you, that you resist any possibility of making a move. It's easier for you to stay in the current situation, rather than initiating a process of change. Eventually, you resort to cast doubt on the need for change, or your ability to make it.
Casting doubt on the need for change: Scott
Scott feels that he should do something about his relationship with Pat. Since she began her new job, she's forgotten that she has a partner. It's not that he's against her professional advancement - on the contrary: he was the one who supported and encouraged her to study and move forward. But now that she's finished school, it seems to him that she's pushed him aside and is moving ahead only at work.
But then, maybe he is exaggerating. Maybe he is asking too much. Maybe he really doesn't understand how hard she works and what responsibilities she has.
Explanation:
Scott isn't satisfied with Pat. He feels that she isn't devoting him enough time. But he resists doing anything about it because he's afraid:
* To discover that she may not love him anymore.
* That she might become even more remote.
* That she might leave him.
Frightened by what changing the nature of his relationship with Pat might bring about, Scott casts doubt on the need to initiate any change at all. He tells himself that he has been carried away by his expectations.
The difficulty in changing habits and the resistance to stepping outside of your comfort zone might drive you to cast doubts on the need for change. You begin to wonder if the situation is really as bad as it seems. You tell yourself: "Things aren't so bad with my partner. Actually, everything is basically okay".
Casting doubts on your ability to change: Jill
Jill wants a partner that will fill her with pleasure and satisfaction, growth and personal fulfillment. Is it too much to ask for?
The problem is that she's been with Nick for four years, and even though he isn't good for her, she doesn't believe she'll ever find someone better.
"That's my fate", she tells her friends, and "I guess that's the way it's supposed to be". Despite her desire to break up with him and find another partner, she doesn't dare to leave.
When you, like Jill, resist the prospect of change, casting doubts on your ability to change, you might justify to yourself why it's better to avoid initiating any change but rather stay in the existing situation. You tell yourself:
* "I don't stand a chance."
* "There's no hope."
* "It's impossible."
* "Others have tried and failed, why should I succeed?"
Casting doubts on your ability to change causes you to stay in the current unsatisfying situation.
The steps you need to take in order to stop justifying yourself and make a change
When you are in an unsatisfying relationship and don't have the courage to make a change neither in the relationship nor leave, instead resorting to using rationalizations and explanations to justify not initiating any change, you quite likely end up bitter, angry, frustrated and stuck.
When you become aware of your rationalizations and the fears controlling them you are then able to move forward in making the necessary changes. This involves:
* Acknowledging the rationalizations and justifications you have been using to stay foot in your current situation.
* Admitting and combating the fears and resistances that control you.
* Initiating change and bring new quality to your life.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships with a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. He has taught this subject to thousands of students and has written more than 100 related articles. Dr. Gil is the author of "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: http://amzn.to/eAmMmH
More on Dr. Gil's expertise, book and articles: http://self-awareness-and-relationships.blogspot.com/

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